Below are the 30 most recent journal entries recorded in Middle Earth Sock Puppet News' LiveJournal:

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Friday, September 23rd, 2005
4:38 pm	Obituary: kielle (22nd October 1972 -- 22nd September 2005) It is with a heavy heart that Sockpuppet News has to announce the passing of kielle. kielle was one of the members at the heart of MESPT, writing with and welcoming players with equal enthusiasm and heart. She will be greatly missed. (13 informants | Give us a donation)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
6:15 pm	Newsflash Sockpuppet news sources have revealed to us that unnamed hobbit dissidents have sullied the good name of this publication torched the Hobbiton news office. Worried news!hobbits say that they "don't know what to expect next. Perhaps some apples, pie, cake, sandwiches and tea." In other Middle Earth news: psychotic!Galadriel and Galathil's baby, Elfonzo Tequila Galadrían, was born...sometime. Experts say to keep all sharp objects out of reach, especially if you are related to the happy family. Sam and Frodo are angsty very cuddly and use italics. Iorhael is angsty odd. elanorgamgee returns! In unrelated news, local scientists have discovered increased italics and angst radicals in the atmosphere. - news!Melkor-taking-a-break-from-teaching-evil-to-the popethe-Sith (21 informants | Give us a donation)
Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
12:46 pm	Return of the Intrepid Evil News-Valar You know, in between taunting small helpless hobbits and stealing chocolate-covered lembas from elven children, I like to make the occasional news post. So here's a short one to tide you over till...whenever anyone decided to do anything more. Fabulously dashing and handsome, not to mention intelligent, sexy and virile doer of evil returns. What? Do you expect me to say something else? Fat hobbit does housework When did they come back? Oh. Then. ::adds hobbits to the promotional mailing list:: You can't say that I'm not aware of every little going on. Not at all. Any post from this Took that mentions hobbits with feline names often needs to be videotaped and added to the collection. This however is lacking in hot steamy hobbit love but not in hot steamy hobbit tea. Arathorn + pink feathers = exotic dancer in his spare time? We shall never know. Some one notices that hobbits all look the same. It's about time too. Bingo gets reacquainted with other hobbits. and clearly doesn't know who's left. If I could tolerate having furry feet then some fun might be had. Sadly... my feet are too pretty to be furry. I wonder if I could get the watcher to star in a documentary There's always a need for more tentacles. Iorhael goes to visit Bingo. But not before copious hobbit angst. Ominous plotting is just what I like to see Now if only there was more scantily clad little middle-earthers. Hmm Adrahil tries to make his presence know. Someone should tell the old codger to give up the spandex. No one ever wants that much information on a daily basis. The plump hobbit wonders after the one with the eyes and his kids. Be on the lookout for Gamgee Spawn Angst folks. Someone's planning to take power in Rohan. Who's King there at the moment? I can never remember. More stirrings from the leviathan. Harassment of hobbits is always amusing. Someone I've not yet been introduced to arrives. Also... not yet seen naked. The leviathan thinks. Fenwick? Who names their kid after a department store? To make up for it there's nakedness. Fuzzy-looking videos of the event are available from all good Long & Arda outlets. Another arrival. Gorlim isn't happy. Now there's a surprise. A mouse and a pregnant amnesiac walk into a bar. I don't rememeber how the rest of it goes. Adamanta and her adventures with tentacles. Coming to a cinema near you. Almost as good as WOHS. Ray and his mun. I'm calling him Ray. It'll be his pornmovie star name. Fenny and Gorlim. And with Norolinde wandering around there is the great potential for angst. Time to find a comfy chair angst-watchers. The lovely Hanild updates. And cavorting with Wulf. Interesting. Dead kid in a panic. Gorlim's family seem to be allergic to living. Ray spends quality time with horses. It's almost like he's a Rohirrim. A mouse and a dead kid walk into a bar. It goes much like the one with the pregnant amnesiac. Terribly angsty. Gorlim + Emotional Pain = OTP. It's true. So that's it. This is your devilishly handsome evil news!Melkie signing off. (13 informants | Give us a donation)
Saturday, July 10th, 2004
1:35 am	Firiel got somewhere. Anybody want to fill me in? I wasn’t paying attention. Felaróf is feeling OLD and goes into a STALL instead of the THRONE ROOM. People, this is symbolism. Watch out for this. Frodo’s off to Nobottle to blow something up. Thank you, Frodo, for writing that headline for me. Norolinde gets indigestion. Except her name’s really Naike now, and the friendslist doesn’t go back far enough for me to explain that, so I won’t. Gorlim wonders where everyone is. Well, ever since he was a My Little Pony, it’s never been the same . . . A pretty little thing named Aerin gets out of Mandos. She’ll soon learn her eyeshadow won’t be enough to win our hearts. Donations are. Menelsûl is worried about Felaróf. Might I direct your attention to this? Because this is setting something up, I swear. Hanild and Wulf play with the baby in Mandos. This kid might grow up and think this kind of thing is normal or something. Eomer and Luthien act like a cute married couple. Now this is wrong. Felaróf passes. We’ll write the obituary later. Aerin and Gorlim meet up. They speak the same language. Literally. I see where this is going. Isengar does something non-PG. Oh, my eyes! But he didn’t write it out, so . . . It’s a paradox. The koala blows something up. I didn’t stick around to see what it was. And just in case you missed it the first time, the koala blows up more stuff. Patriotic little devil. I salute you. Artamir lets Rogue play with his hair. Next thing you know she’ll be shoplifting. Isengar investigates something in the corner. I was scared. I didn’t look. GO TO THE RIGHT, ISENGAR! Dred runs away. Because the loves of Gorlim’s life don’t do that often or anything. Hani finds out Wulf’s memory’s been wiped. Did I miss a post somewhere? Probably. Menelsûl angsts by running around. He ought to bottle that up and sell it. Didn’t even use italics. Theo and Artamir get hitched. WAIT A SECOND. Last time I looked it was him and Hani! I am so never leaving MESPT for a second again. Gorlim and Aerin go off to find Dred. Told you I knew where this was going. Off to find Dred, that’s where. Isengar looks for Tiger. One of these days I’ll read the comments to these things. I have a sneaking suspicion stuff goes on there. Firi wants to have lunch with daddy. Should’ve thought about that before he had lunch with us, shouldn’t you. The check’s in the mail. Araphant tortures Artamir with a spangly belt. You got pictures? The koala runs into the forest! Quickly, someone catch him! Maybe he knows where those pictures are! And finally, Naike can see the baby through her dress. Maybe you ought to stop buying from the kiddie department. This is your intrepid, brand-new reporter, signing off. Will reveal identity for donations. (10 informants | Give us a donation)
Sunday, May 9th, 2004
5:58 pm	Study: Muns Deny All Knowledge of MESPT "I usually pretend I'm reading CNN," anonymous mun claims By Zlot Brokaw ARDA-- A new study conducted by the Ethring Institute suggests that MESPT muns often lie to their families, coworkers and friends where roleplaying is concerned. A whopping 87% of muns have been known to quickly minimize windows. 78% have told loved ones that they were just checking their email. Surprisingly, 52% have actually been known to say, "God, roleplaying. How geeky." We contacted a former mun who used to work for this very newspaper for comment. "Yeah, I lied about it. I still do," she said, a lit cigarette dangling from her pouty lips. "What am I supposed to say? That I used to spend my time pretending to be an elf? It's easier to claim that I never left the house during that time period because I was 'depressed' or something." "Once," our anonymous mun continued, "I had plans to hang out with some friends. Unfortunately, my puppet was getting married that night. So I cancelled. What did I tell them?" She scrunched up her nose with intense thought. "Oh. I told them I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever." So why lie? Most of those surveyed cite the shame. One respondent scrawled in the margin, "HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU'RE A GAMGEE CHILD ON THE INTERNET? HAVE YOU?" As of our deadline, MESPT has only resulted in three divorces. In Other News: What? Gorlim's dead? Nobody tells me anything. (6 informants | Give us a donation)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
8:59 pm	Ladies, gents. It's 5:15 pm and do you know where your puppets are? That's right, my basement. So cough up the money. We here at Sockpuppets pride ourselves on our up to the minute, accurate, on time and consistent reporting. We also pride ourselves on that great lsd and creamer stuff we invented for our coffee so you may be noticing a connection by this point. Our intrepid reporters have stopped staring at 'all the pretty colours' for now and have decided to give you a full-length, indepth news report. But the list didn't go past 'skip 50' so that's all you're getting. It isn't like you pay us. Our beloved newsthingie turned 18 last saturday and instead of giving her a nice post like she did the editor, we actually fed her! Go wish her a belated birthday. Starting from oldest and working up. Artamir weeps like a woman. Gorlim is a twat and Ondoher is cruel to Faramir, which while traditional for anything that bears that name really should be exempt in this case because omg, he's such a cutie. Editor note: Suspect headliner Gaav may be a poofter. Will have to curtail in fear of mpreg. Arvedui is not 'down' with the women rulers. Luthien, in a show of uncharacteristic self-restraint (THAT IS A SUBTLE HINT, WOMAN. ohgodwhywon'titheal) does not smite his ass to Ethring. Look. A hobbit.. We here at Sockpuppets must confess that we have a hereditary illness where we can't read third person. This will be even more important later. We THINK there may be construction going on. Hild is a strumpet. Also, she knows her son is dead but she's got a nice pair so let's focus on that instead. Kevin's got groupies. Eru knows *I* want some of that troll for my ca---We here at Sockpuppets are just going to skip to the next headline. Gorlim is back. All hope is lost. Make peace with your gods. PS: Ulmo's offering a discount on sacrifices this week. Twice the blessings for half the goat. Italics and third person. AHaha. No. Faramir is not allowed to go out and fight. GOOD. He can stay here, with us. We have candy, little boy... Eomer's lost. You know, he's part woman. You'd think he'd just ask for directions... Wulf doesn't want no horsefuckers. Oh, if only he were a blond and then he wouldn't be so low that we could bring ourselves to mock him. Nadiyah gets wet and soapy with Halbarad, Theodred and Mithrovan, coming soon to Long and Arda Productions. Two more and she wins a toaster. Hanild apologizes. But no one *really* forgives her. They just say they do. Theo visits Jade and Opal. Still dead. Eomer is resurrected. Oh Joy and unfettered glee. Does this look first person to you? I did not think so. Uh, Jade's in here too. Arvedui holds a funeral for Theo. No causalities are as yet reported. Say hi to Nabhan, kids. In a series of wacky events, Seven becomes a midget. Eomund is a fashion plate. There's a lot of comments here and I bet if I wait there'll be a huge summary post from Bingo. He's so nice. Third person *and* an elf. Dear god. Is there no decency in the world? The Watcher in the Water is a breath-holding STUD. At least that’s what these ‘traditional’ art pieces from Rhun/Easterlingland say. I wonder what a simbelmyne is. random stuff. It’s Sackville season. Etchelion is Santa! Or that scary old man down the street who offers us candy. One of those. Ungoliant has a hankering. A hankering for EVIL. Silmo’s back and Tilion is still a miserable failure who shames his pantheon. Shames it. Vanyon remembered his password. Er, we mean, gives an insightful post to his activities. Yes. We think Aule did something wrong. Couch for you, sucka. Iorlas has been sold to large, sweaty burly men. The promise of sex stirs him to freedom! Or perhaps the threat of sex. One never knows. Uruviel is probably going to eat the baby. You know the drill. Third person. But hey, I’ll be nice and tell you there’s a spider in it. Slowly the intrepid reporter backed away from the notepad, realizing that only hellishness and metaphor could be found in this godforsaken post. Make it end. YOU HATE ME. I CAN TELL. Theoden isn’t dead anymore. Joy and unfettered, glee. Something. The chase on Vanthene is called off which is okay since evil needs some downtime. Which is why our breaks are always so long. Really. We here at Sockpuppets approve of Nabhan and his accidental use of the phrase ‘I is not here to fight’. Next verse, same as the first. Run, you fool. Celebel has the bad touch. Jade asks what we are all asking. Except those of us who aren’t asking that. I’ve run out of funny ways to go ‘oh look. third person’. Rumil is sumptious. Or is he a dirty commie plot. Time will tell, my friend. Time will tell. The midget has found her flock. Soon the migration will begin. Hani tries to seduce Theo. The strumpet. Theo has got no boobs. A sad day indeed for...someone. We here at Sockpuppets don’t know. I’m gonna describe this one cause it’s short and there’s a baby. Firi is feeling the woe. The end. Gamgee angst. Like a fine wine. Neither of second nor fourth person born. Hanild learns the dangers of mixing your rohirrim and your drugs. That or she’s making cheap excuses for her TIMELESS PASSION THAT WILL SCOUR THE AGES. or something like that. We’re reading off a romance novel that we found. Oooh. Scenes as if from a post concerning Firiel! I think they’re mocking my stories. The bitch is back. Aww. Puppies. And uh, other stuff. LOOK FIRST PERSON. There are no puppies here. Only death ;_; Arvedui is a wussy man. You shame your line. Seppuku! And give us the shiny rock. For uh. safekeeping. I told you he’d summarize. But did you listen to me? Nooooooo. Give us the palantir. We can smell your spicy brains. Apparently Iorlas can’t even get hookers. Italicy-third person. What did I ever do to you? Your dog doesn’t count. Pictures. Lots of...pictures. With pixels. And Arvedui making out with a horse. TWO BABIES GO IN. ONE BABY GOES OUT. We know where you live. Damnit. The bitch line’s been used. There is a promise not to think incestuous thoughts somewhere in here. Our interest is totally lost. Us. We’ll be eating hobbit and tuna tonight, boys. Elves don’t get no respect. For a good reason. Hobbit! It doesn’t look happy. Do they ever? I shall now start calling Third Person ‘Bibi’ Look! Bibi’s posting. That seems so much nicer. A man and his mongoose are soon parted. And then molested by a sister-in-law. Gorlim’s still dead but no longer fraternizing with Bibi. Hani’s feeling the woe. Also, the sun’s back. Firi doesn’t really love ANYBODY. Bibi brought biscuits. The boobs are back. The editor is currently danging from a noose above our keyboard. NO BABY. A cry we must all take up! Except for when we have really cute baby pictures. Such a thin line. Her story is just laying about. A cat ate Bibi. Single Red Dragon seeks hobbithole. Inquire within. Show us on the doll... Firi shows her lack of love. His heart broken, Arvedui hands over the palantir, which would revolutionize the art of paparazzi stalking forever. Hint. Araphant wants man-love. Ilmare is forgetful, but shiny. Tilion is explodey. Irmo’s bedhair is the sexiest of bedhairs. -Editor-in-non-absentia. (11 informants | Give us a donation)
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
6:00 pm	NEW MUN MINION/LOVEBUNNY OF SAURON Sockpuppets Editor: "And She Eats Kittens" jenlittlebottom and her unholy snugglebunny Lord Sauron. MD Denizens of mespt were shocked by the discovery of one Jen 'I come from something called a Tongue' T-something slipping in when the backdoor was accidentally left unlocked. Accusations of Sockpuppets' esteemed and deeply sexy editor John begging her to take eomund are completely unfounded, Sockpuppets' says. Shortly after her arrival, Felarof gave birth to a two headed snake. One can only assume this means that Jen 'My bottom is little' T-something is, in fact, a dirty minion of Sauron, as our tireless and hysterically giggling photoGaavs have provided us with sufficient evidence of. We urge you to remain in your homes and stay calm. If you should see her approaching with a puppet in hand, you must immediately stone her to death. EDITOR'S NOTE: 'Stone to death' means 'give lots and lots of cuddles'. So, Jen, you just approach everybody you see. Everyone else, ignore that and remember, donations mean you don't find out what we really did with Fluffy. Current Mood: accurate (6 informants | Give us a donation)
Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
2:56 pm	Obituary: Eomer Eomundsson Theodensson. LEAVES AWARD WINNING PORN MOVIE AND THE SMELL OF CHICKEN IN THE AIR deceased pictured with loving husband Denethor and their daughter Alcawyn Warrior. Lover. Kindling. Eomer passed from us on some date or another after a wraith killed him. Then a bunch of animals showed up and failed to fulfill their purpose in life and eat the body. So other people showed up! But did not take his body. Then Melkor made a porn movie with it. Then his relatives asked nicely for it and set fire to it. Our lives (and the gardens) were enriched by Eomer and his ashes. He was a man among men(who was sometimes a woman), who lived honourably(sometimes as a woman) and sometimes had innapropriate relations with horses(not as a woman). He leaves about fifty bazillion kids, give or take. Luthien was not availible for any comment we're willing to print in this fine family paper. Also dead: Ulalume Gorlimsdottir. She was just this girl, y'know? Her passing has taught us a valuable lesson. Only dirty whores who will burn in the eternal fires of Mandos' coffee machine eat cookies. (3 informants | Give us a donation)
9:18 am	Casting Call Fantastic New Opportunity! For all you aspiring actresses and actors, an exciting new role in the latest Long & Arda production has unexpectedly become available. Long & Arda is looking for energetic new hopefuls to inject a burst of life into Eomer this thrilling new picture. Hopefuls must be able to deal with hoards of animated blow-up Luthy dolls Role available for a limited time only! (Give us a donation)
Monday, January 5th, 2004
5:56 pm	Call it ambition. Call it boredom. Call it only the last 150 posts. Call it me hoping our wonderful editor doesn't have my head for this. But whatever you call it, you bloody well better call it a freaking news post. *AHEM* Maedhros, one of about a billion new puppets, learns Kinslaying doesn't exactly shine the ladies on. Of course, he's not particularly interested in the ladies, but that's besides the point. Amarië laments spending the night with Maedhros. Carcharoth, former wolf servant of Morgoth, returns to Arda as a kitten. He is quickly snuggled, petted and claimed as pet by Hanild, once again proving that a pretty face and blond hair do not a genius make. Hani visits Luthien, who had a baby recently by the way. Also, reveling in recent kitten-acquiring occurs. Carcharoth, henceforth Charo, annoys Gorlim. A fun sport to be enjoyed by all. Theodred, or Dred as he prefers, of the non drain-cleaner drinking variety, chats with Gorlim and meets his father. Plans to torture Eomer are discussed. With Gorlim, though we wouldn't put it past Theoden either. Mithrhovan makes some suspicious deliveries. Isengar tries to convince Smeagol to come home. Kitten-napping is also afoot. The Dunedain occupy themselves. But not by looking for Aragorn, oh no. Charo decides to woo Gorlim's dog, Mandy. Mith decides Charo is food. Gorlim does a lot. Eomer chatting, singing to Dred, Mandy gets wooed. It's a busy post all 'round. Noro, who's back, gives Hani a manicure. Girl talk and stuff ensues. Halbarad is stalked by Mandy and chats with Gorlim. Merry, yes MERRY, tells us why he reappeared...only to disappear again. But he's got a good reason. Charo is in love. And they called it puppy love...that would be so much better if it had been sung by Manilow >.> Tarannon has seen The Movie. And he's not happy about this. This is not newsworthy. What is newsworthy, is that he re-adopts Noro AND calls her pumpkin in the process. Hah. A cocooned Guppy, one of them green-elf-baby thingies, starts to move. Silinde revels in Eluil's new form. Parfait makes it's new appearance known as well. Melian I, who's also made a comeback, threatens to rid herself of boredom. Eomer seems only slightly worried. Charo advises Hani of his captured status. It is determined that he doesn't really mind, which, given the puppet he's aligned himself with, is probably a good thing. Gwindor shops. And aNgStS. Halbarad and Luthien discover puppies. Anyone else noticed there's a lot of furry things running around lately? Firiel and Gorlim have a chat about fun things like being lonely. But there's also Erumas talk, so that's ok. Hani celebrates Gram's six-month birthday. And seems less than worried about Charo's incarceration. It's Erumas!!! And many, many people do the Erumas-gift giving thing: Dred, Charo, Arvedui, our new Legolas, Gorlim, Hanild, Halbarad, Frealaf, Menelsul, Gwindor, Vanthene, Luthien, Melian I, Jade, Ulalume and Norolinde, though she's a bit late. Somewhere within all that Erumas spirit, this happens: Isengar and Melba discuss Smeagol. Sauron is more than a little miffed with the ending of The Movie. And really, who can blame him? Eowyn makes sure we all know what really happened. Theoden bakes cookies, turns ferret and gets ferret-napped by Vanthene. Merry Erumas, Theo. You know, Bingo sums things up so much better than I ever could. Halbarad explains the puppy situation to Nadiyah. And also reveals his plans to head North. Isengar and Tiger have a good time. Eomer points us in the direction of something some of us may or may not know about. Well, we do now. Ancalagon serves up some hypocrite pie. Sin gets a present from Jade and visits Merin. And, I imagine, puts said present to good use. Eomer gives Luthy a special gift. Awwwwww. Noro and Namuras discuss the twins. And then have sex, we think. Merry is late with his gifts. But PIPPIN returns, so like, that makes up for it. Vanthene has fun torturing small, furry animals. Of the kitten and ferret variety. Hani walks in the snow. And misses home. Eru makes a bit of a mistake. But he's Eru! So there are no mistakes! ...he now returns us to our regularly scheduled colours. Arathorn laments the life of a puppet not on the "A" list. Laiqalasse recounts Erumas with the troupe. Also, next play January 9. Mark your calendars, folks. Eluil whines and wants to go shopping. Yep. Definitely Rumil's kid. Theo is trapped. So he does what any ferret would: Sings and wishes for worms. Jim is gay. And apparently frustrated, though how you can be gay and frustrated in THIS game is beyond me. Vanthene gets friendly with Hani. Isengar and Tiger: The Morning After. Halbarad gathers his men and heads North. Faramir III dreams. And has Ramen with Nienna. But that's not the dream, that really happens. Vidumavi is a happy domestic. Lokiel gets snuggled by Nieliqui. Morwen is content. Uruviel returns to be with Jade. Jade gives birth. O.o No, wait. O.o Ah, much better. Arwen is not updating. The Elronds don't make an appearance, either. *SQUEE* Ully gets an accidental haircut. Theo laments, is taunted by Vanthene and escapes. Bingo makes a mandate. Charo helps Hani find Theo. ;) Nieliqui is determined to ring in the New Year. Just like a big girl. Dred taunts us by mentioning secret logs. And makes some resolutions. Mouth makes a suspicious discovery. Jade is a happy mom. New Year's greetings from a drunken werewolf. Nieliqui doesn't quite make it. But it's all Gorlim's fault. Isengar sings. Noro tries the manicure route one more time. And gets saddled with a nervous elf for her trouble. Gorlim's shortens it up for us. Also, mentions something about Dred's secret log and narrowly escapes insulting Hani. THE SECRET LOGS: Dred and Gorlim have tea, discuss love and share a kiss, sword lessons and admissions of love and finally music lessons and more lovey-dovey stuff. Norolinde declares herself a lesbian. Interested applicants, apply within. Haldir heads Gondor-wards. Dred loves Gorlim! Gorlim loves Dred! Theoden is horrified! Seven takes Noro under her wing. This has angst written all over it. Linithil, Luthy's little sister, has her own journal. Legolas gets a puppy for Erumas. Eomer is a little behind the times. He also notices a lack of...well, people. Theo is Not Impressed. Firiel once again has fun with a vampire. Injuries, blood, libraries. You know, basic Minas Tirith stuff. Frey will torment Dred later. There's been a LOT happening in the lab. Erendis, evil thing that she is, only skims the surface. Aeglos heads to Rohan, where he feels he just might be useful. Hild agrees, and Wenny and Evie have a tearful reunion of sorts. Meadhros is grumpy. Grumpy Noldor. Grumpy Feanorian Noldor. *runs* Hani sits in the library. Isengar and Tiger: The Morning After Continued. Theoden is still Not Impressed. But is easily distracted. The lj-cut in this really says it all. Six narrowly escapes more punishment from Este. Gorlim tells Eomer about him and Dred. Eomer is a tad surprised. Arwen takes back Evie. W00t. Please send a donation. Yours, The Sockpuppets cub reporter. Current Mood: crazy (12 informants | Give us a donation)
Sunday, November 9th, 2003
10:10 pm	Sockpuppets has captured rare footage of the Gondorian Gloomcloud (scientific name? Wettus Angstfeedoffus). Sockpuppets is not yet sure what this *chilling* foota--nevermind. The editor left a note on our desk. The hat is gone! WOE. But we here at Sockpuppets would like to state that he has a fine rack. (Give us a donation)
Monday, October 13th, 2003
12:15 am	Hi, MESPT. Sorry about the lack of posts. We went into an angst coma after we weren't included in the last edition of Kielle's Kwote Page. But everything's okay now and even though Editor John has been withholding sexual favors, here's the news. It's not complete from last time, but it will have to do, you monsters. At our arbitrary starting point, Theoden is sleeping in Frealaf's bed and Firiel has decided to just let Vanyon dig in and get it over with. Whee! Smaug glams up Damien. It is appropriately terrifying. Hold me, Gorlim. Glimdoron appears to have written a new song. Only he's a radish. I think I should be surprised, but you people have jaded me. Damn you all. The Stardust Clan has a little family meeting. It is way fucked up. Surprise!!! Oh, and by the way, Rumil has teamed up with Seven in order to take over the world. This pleases me more than I can say. Not that I, you know, shamelessly encouraged Rumil's mun to make him evil or anything. :D Really. Anyway, Silinde wants a divorce, but is easily bribed with candy/nookie from Lai. Theoden is nearly raped by a couple dozen angry stallions but is saved by Hanild. And life in Rohan continues as per usual. Isengar buries the Shire in a heap of angst. Alcawyn is still alive. Seriously. Celebel, my very favorite Gondorian mary sue, stalks Artamir. She's just like her mother, aww. :) Zak is the coolest five-year-old alcoholic in Middle-earth, and that's a fact. Halbarad and Gorlim, aka The Wonder Duo, decide to track that pesky werewolf. Hanild's getting married tomorrow, and she decides to celebrate by, uh, having wild, raunchy sex with Theoden. I can't decide--should I cheer or grumble about how jealous I am? Maybe both: WOOOOO GO HANI you lucky bitch Theo frees Saeros from prison. Hell, I have no idea why Sae was even in prison, which should tell you what a good reporter I am. But there you have it. Vanthene plots to ruin Hani's wedding. You know what a good word for her is? 'Nefarious.' I like that. 'The nefarious Vanthene.' Good? Firiel and Frey make up. Awwwwwwwwwww. Even though she's really madly in love with Theo/Gorlim/Elanor Gamgee. Poor Smaug has his lair turned into a Long and Arda studio. Poor little lizard. Lai says that if you love something (that thing being Rumil), you should let it go. If it comes back after attempting to kill lots of innocent people, it's yours. If it doesn't, it's probably a blessing in disguise, Lai. Theo tries to seduce Sae, but discovers that he is flirting with the only non-slutty elf in Arda. What are the odds, eh? Mareke is an elf-hater. We at Sockpuppets feel that is an inappropriate and old-fashioned sentiment. Elves are people too. Fight for elf rights, etc. Smaug has a going-out-of-business-temporarily sale for his transvestite clothing line, FLAME. Gildor takes a break from being sexually harrassed by horses to have a cute reunion with Theoden. Awwwwwwww. Oh, Jesus. (Translation: Isengar and Tiger do something sticky underneath the covers. Er. There's a bit of a fade to black, but not enough of one, if you catch my drift.) Bingo posts an account of his birthday party and has a minor seizure involving something called a Pocket Realm which is a little too obscure for me since, as you all know, I barely understand anything that doesn't have to do with me. ELANOR CAME BACK FOR THE PARTY?? And she didn't even drop by for a quick shag? That--that--ooooh. I am so annoyed. Elanor, I dream of you every night. Come back to me. Halbarad and Gorlim take a break from werewolf hunting to practice their new comedy act. Oh, and Eomer decides he'll join them. The wedding of Gelmir and Hanild, Luthien officiating. Awww. It's so cute, so precious. HANILD FUCKED THEODEN IMMEDIATELY BEFOREHAND. AHAHAHA. ... :) Yay for intrigue! Silinde goes into labor! Awww. I'll be sad when he no longer amusingly waddles from place to place. <3 Silinde, even though the cute pink icon is gone. Wulf tries to get Vanthene to kill Gelmir and obtain Gram for him, but it looks like no dice. Wulf, give it up. You're dead. Hello. Haldir sings Jefferson Airplane songs to Faramir. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Eomer gropes a pregnant Gandalf. No, really. Isengar confides in Mirabella about how every night, he is lost to a deep, angst-soaked, nightmarish sleep. Poor thing! At least he can have sticky pancakes with Tiger. oh god After a whole lot of pain, Six being spectacularly insensitive, and many wishes for death (his, Lai's, Rumil's, Six's, anyone's, really), Silinde gives birth to three freaks. Freaks, I tell you. One boy, one girl, and one Thing of indeterminate gender who says "woh-pah." Poor Silinde. Rumil tries to be evil while simultaneously wearing the stupidest leopard print hat I have ever seen. Good luck. Vanthene decides that maybe getting rid of Gelmir and abducting Gram isn't such a bad idea after all. Good luck to you too, sweetie. Wraith #4 is poetic, and it is sexy. Silinde names his mutant children Guppy, Eluil, and Parfait. Saaaay--mutant children, eh? Perhaps soup is back on the menu. Mareke spews more of her anti-elf propaganda. I bet she eats Silinde's babies. That's not fair; Arwen's been craving mutant soup for MONTHS. Halbarad and Gorlim are still trying to hunt that werewolf, but are sidetracked by an enormous wave of aNgSt. Dammit, you two! Just have sex already! Vanyon swipes one of Firiel's dresses for one of Vanthene's fiendish--dare I say, even nefarious--plots. Vanyon also, to his credit, warns Firiel that Vanthene is nefariously lurking around somewhere. Lai, your children are green. KILL THEM. Rumil and Seven arrive in Minas Tirith and immediately begin bickering like an old married couple. Like Rumil needs to be married to anyone else. Smaug decides that it's no more Mr. Nice Transvestite and wreaks havoc on the town of Dale. Firiel warns Hani that a certain nefarious woman is back on the prowl. The citizens of Plastic Town and Magneto head to England from France, where hopefully they will be able to turn Maggie back into our dear Plastic Gandalf. Gorlim tries to bait the werewolf with a turtle. Oh look, everyone, I've found a bigger freak than Parfait. Go me. Vanthene has moved into Orthanc in order to carry out some plots that seem to be not quite on the up-and-up. I believe the word on the street is that they are 'nefarious.' Gorlim ties Halbarad to a tree in an attempt to use the ranger as bait, but for some reason Halbie isn't too fond of the idea. I don't think it was the first time Gorlim wanted to tie Halbarad up. Haw haw. An angsting Isengar is visited by a very cute Plastic Galadriel. Melba flirts shamelessly with Primula. She reminds you of Xena, huh? Firiel gives birth to something, which is promptly taken away by Vanyon. I guess the trend is toward mutant children this season. Cute. Luthien and Nadiyah discuss pregnancy, men, and stuff. It is decided that Nadiyah will help deliver Luthien's next bundle of joy when the time comes. Ecthelion tries to pretend that he isn't dressed like a French maid. He fails. Esmerelda comes out of the closet. The Plastic Gang arrives at the grave of Professor Tolkien--but Magneto has a dastardly plan up his sleeves. (Not nefarious, though. Just dastardly.) ...aaaaand I guess Vanyon decided to kill his and Firiel's child. Nice work. Way to obey your paternal instincts. Huan and Draugulin are locked in some sort of epic battle. Ho hum. Isengar, after looking into the Mirror of Plastic Galadriel, decides he ought to go away for a bit to get his head in order. Gwindor pines. Oh God, the angst is back. Halbarad and Gorlim's hunt continues, sort of, when Halbarad decides they have to bathe. Woo hoo! Together? The action figures are enjoying themselves and snapping pictures at Tolkien's gravesite--until Magneto threatens to take the Ring for himself and control all the LOTR fans! Will our brave band of Plastic Towners be able to stop him? Theoden does a lot of stuff, which seems to lose importance after he TURNS INTO A CREEPY CARTOON PANDA. aieeeeeee. Jade meets up with a tiny, terrifying panda. She quickly realizes it's Theo--who else would it be? Blah blah, Gorlim took a bath and is surly about it--DID GORLIM ACTUALLY FATHER ROBERT PLANT? Holy shit. Lai and his freakish offspring visit Del and Marilla. Lai pretends, in the course of conversation, to not understand 'female things.' You're fooling nobody, chica. Halbarad bathes and is informed by Nadiyah that he will shortly be a daddy. Congratulations, you kids! Eomer, Seven, and Rumil have a little scuffle. Seven? Don't stab Eomer. It'll just make him angry. Halbarad and Nadiyah inform Gorlim about the incoming baby. It's all very cheerful until Luthien informs everyone that Eomer's been stabbed, which puts a damper on any evening. Blah blah blah battlecakes. I'm pretty sure the good guys win. Anyway, Six scoops up Seven and teleports out of there, and Eomer faints from blood loss, though he makes a few jokes before that. Aftermath. Healing. Everyone looks worried, but I'm sure nothing can happen to Eomer that the latest Mandos Release Form couldn't fix. Isengar tells his housemates that he's moving out for a bit. So, Rumil sort of napped through Seven and Eomer's epic battle. Nice work, honey. Then he licks Sauron's shoes for a bit. Gorlim's angsty internal monologue. Terrifying. Read at your own risk. I am very depressed now. Mandos has spit forth yet another elf, and her name is Finduilas. Gwindor should be pleased. Rumil somehow manages to take over Rivendell. How embarrassing. For Elrond, I mean. Rumil informs Lai that he has actually succeeded at taking over something. Good work, honey. Lai nearly divorces the pink-haired strumpet, but realizes he cannot live without the nookie. Rumil is more masculine when he is evil, but Lai is more feminine the more he protests. So it evens out. Halbarad and Gorlim snuggle up and fall asleep in the same bed. I am going nuts. DO SOMETHING. Hama is beaten up by a girl, in the proud tradition of Rohirric men. Actually, 'girl' is inaccurate. It was a fangirl, actually. Insert creepy tinypandaness here. Elrond I writes a letter to Elrond II, who apparently has been MIA for three months, to inform him of the regime change in Imladris. But he was there all the time. But they continue to write letters, mostly to spam everyone's friends pages. In the end, they decide to just let the little pink-haired dude do what he wants and not let it interfere with their afternoon nap. Huan wins! HUAN WINS! Good. Now we can all focus on the Cubs winning the World Series. :D Elfwine comes out of the closet. WHAT THE FUCK? I. Am. Shocked. So was Elphir, I bet. Rumil is not that gay. ... AHAHAHAHAHAHA. *ahem* Something unexpected has happened to Gorlim and Halbarad. Don't get excited, everyone. Sex would have been expected, at this point. Okay, and the unexpected thing is this: Gorlim and Halbarad have switched bodies. How droll! Okay, we now have this guy: Gondor The Rapist. Wait, therapist, sorry. And he only charges five cents. That's not bad, considering how fucked up we all are. Back in England, Magneto almost triumphs, but his plans to take over the Tolkien fandom are foiled when he turns into... Gandalf the White! Rejoicing follows, hurrah, etc. Gorlim and Halbarad panick unnecessarily, to Eomer and Luthien's amusement. Apparently Jade can probably sort this out, and Nadiyah will kill them, or so is their impression. And that about does it. This took hours. Goodnight, angels. --your own newsthingie Current Mood: tired (21 informants | Give us a donation)
Sunday, October 5th, 2003
2:31 am	Gondorian Community Is Shocked, Awed, Reports Say Local celebrity does something unexpected Headlines are shockingly uninformative By The Sockpuppets Newsthingie, Zlot To Her Friends MINAS TIRITH-- Sockpuppets News was both stunned and pleased to receive reports that Halbarad of the Dunedain, perhaps one of Gondor's snappiest dressers and all-around tough guys, has resumed wearing his hat. This hat, which has had its absence noted in many newsposts of late, is a broad-brimmed beige-ish affair with a brown circle around the crown. It is very similar to those worn by the 'Canadian Mounties' of the Real World, according to our sources. "It's quite ironic, really. Mounties, supposedly, 'always get their man.' Whereas Halbarad has proved unsuccessful in getting his man," said an anonymous source. When this Real World expert was probed further by your intrepid reporter, she said, "Well, you know. Gorlim. It's quite obvious that...surely you can't have missed... God, the sexual tension! I'm not crazy, am I?" We quickly assured her that she was, and ended the interview shortly after she began muttering about 'teaching Gorlim how to track' being a euphemism for 'blow job.' Anyway, the return of Halbarad's famous hat has brought joy to the collective heart of Gondor. We reached King Eomer for comment. "What, he's wearing the hat again? Oh," quoth our noble leader. Unsatisfied, our Gaavs turned to another victim. "I want to do illegal things with the hat. And two llamas," remarked Sockpuppets Editor and mun-about-town John "Crantz" Harris. "Also, the hat is actually a 'stetson'." Well, hat, stetson, or whatever, let us all give thanks to Prof. Tolkien, pappy of us all, for, in his infinite wisdom, returning Halbarad's hat to the masses. The Professor is my shepherd, I shall not angst. He maketh me to eat six meals a day in the Shire, he leadeth me beside the Nimrodel. He restoreth my soul when I fall into darkness in Moria. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness to Rivendell for His Book Sales' sake. Yea, though I walk through Cirith Ungol, I shall fear no fucking big spiders, for he is with me. His ink and pen, they comfort me. He prepares elevenses for me in the presence of the Dark Lord; he giveth me the liquefied light of Earendil; my cup of miruvor runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me until my task is done: and I will dwell in peace in Aman for ever. Amen. Yay hat!! Everyone's favorite ranger, posing with trademark hat and trusty wolf - rawr! This is Sockpuppets News, signing off. (3 informants | Give us a donation)
Saturday, September 13th, 2003
1:37 am	Well, after what feels like weeks of being nagged by Herr Editor John, here we go--yet another Sockpuppets news update, designed to edify and entertain. I do want to entertain you guys, honestly I do. So please ask Gorlim to stop angsting, okay? For my sake. -- Our story opens with the return of Lean. Lean married Frealaf back in the day, mostly because her maiden name was 'Beef.' Rimshot! Her name is actually Léan, which makes her sound less like a meat-related adjective, by the way. Isengar has a very bad dream. Tiger tries to fix things with some decisive cuddling. Mareke suggests cooking Rumil in a stew. I'm all over that. Anyone have some bay leaves? Also, seeing Rumil chitter and stuff in these old threads is amusing now that his icons show a pink-haired elf once more. This is where your resident newsthingie discovers that Gelmir and Hanild are engaged. Surprise! Congrats, you guys. But how Hani got over Theoden I'll never know. Woof. The wedding will take place in Rohan, thank goodness. Bingo, that intrepid first-drafter we all hate to love, sits down for a negotiatory tea with Melkor himself. That hobbit has balls. Allegedly. Lai is stressed out by a) his rodent husband, b) Silinde being a useless twit, c) being out of cigarettes, and d) Six showing up and abducting Yaban. What Lai doesn't realize is that all his stress can be traced back to the fact that he doesn't eat meat. No, really. (Well, he does eat some meat. Lai can't refuse a manwich.) Firiel is hormonal and upset about Hild and Lean Beef being against her and turns to Gorlim for comfort. Gorlim, being an impulsive lad, proposes marriage; Firiel accepts. Wow. This will last. The idea of Frey not marrying "that brunette girl" is enough to put a grin back on Hild's face. Theo idly wonders where Gildor is and baits Frey in the meantime. ...wow! (In other words, Gorlim takes Nadiyah out into a field and teaches her the ways of the land, and it is cool and uses another language and I am impressed and kind of without humor.) Firiel, after a lot of emotional blahdiblah, breaks off her short-lived engagement with Gorlim. And I can hear, faintly in the distance but growing ever louder, the avalanche of angst that is to come. Oh God. Gelmir and Hani canoodle, cuddle, and generally act like a normal, functional couple. Hooray! I can't take all this craziness sometimes. However, Hani cannot quite hide that she is madly in love with Rogue. Mithrhoven is attracted to a hot female wolf. You know what this means... Wolflets! Frey and Firiel fight over Firi's acceptance of Gorlim's proposal, which ends with Firiel returning the ring and Frey being taken home by none other than Lean Beef herself. The angst grows louder. Italicized Firielangst. Reminds me of the good old days, when hobbits beat men in the angst department and you could solve a lot of problems with an extra helping at elevenses. The citizens of Plastic Town visit a castle once owned by Patrick Stewart. Even though it wasn't THAT Patrick Stewart, Magneto falls into a deep depression. Halbarad, Nadiyah, and Gorlim discuss this and that. Nothing earth-shattering. Though Gorlim's deep-seated racial prejudices against elves are exposed. Huan and Eomer set out to track some werewolf that's slipped into Gondor somehow. Meanwhile, Huan's puppies are fucking adorable. I want them. In a nice stew, in fact. Gorlim, being the lovely selfless gentlemen he is, tells Frey that he threatened Firiel in order to make her agree to marry him. Frey doesn't seem to buy blatant lie and his rising blood pressure can be almost felt through the computer screen. Ameniel loses her voice, postponing Nosso Alda's play for another night. Seven, in a thread that seems slightly BATSHIT INSANE for her, coos and fusses over her very cute daughter. Frey and Firiel get married. People in attendance: Frey, Firiel, and Theoden (officiating). It's a bit of a whirlwind affair, and that's putting it mildly. But anyway, I guess that settles all the naysayers good and properly. Mazel tov, kids. Gorlim, anguished and frustrated over the ten-second wedding, talks to Faramir. Uh, Faramir's not there anymore, guy. You're talking to yourself. Just a heads up. Anyway, the angst avalanche is nearly upon us. I fear. Angrim comes to the realization that to obtain sexy ladies, he must become a soppy angstbucket like his son (Gorlim). There is truth in that statement, though I would say you have to be angsty more to maintain your relationships, since nothing ever works out. But in this world of insanity and anguish, it's good to know that Eomer and Luthien have a pet baby swan. Firiel is in a state of blissful ecstasy. I guess it's true what they say about large, angry Rohirrim then. ;) Eowyn sums up her life since the beginning of the summer, returns to Gondor, and becomes the Secretary-General In Charge Of Cavalry-Type Things of Gondor. Nosso Alda's latest play, "Amaterasu." Shlomo Baggins, the only Jewish hobbit in the Shire, whips up a restraining order for the continuing negotiations between Bingo and Melkor. Yaban posts a lot of unimportant stuff and anyway Rumil's not a chinchilla anymore, which should please his girlfriend Lai. Hanild decides to take Gram, whom I assume is her son, on a vacation to Dol Amroth. This has 'bad idea' written all over it. There was a 84% swan index yesterday. The upshot of Rumil not being a chubby little rodent is that Lai can now reintroduce him to 'Magnum.' May I again remind everyone how disturbing and yet cute these two are? Thank you. Theo and Lean Beef, for their own respective reasons, want to break up the Frey-Firiel marriage. Also, Lean somehow gets the idea that Theo is Elfhild, mostly because of his boobs. My darling Herr Editor turns eighteen. And there was rejoicing and drunken debauchery in the land. Well, I missed it, but apparently Isengar and Tiger fucked on a table. Way to go, boys! (Why do I always miss the fun?) Direct quote of the day: "Oh, you can blow me down and shiver my timbers any day. Or night. Or mid-afternoon. Or between second breakfast and elevenses. But I digress." --Isengar Took, Dignified Sea Captain Merin's tiny again, which causes Sin to become upset and, if possible, even MORE sexually frustrated. Seven fights with Six and so on, but hold the phone--Seven has fucked her FATHER? Ewww! Ewwwwwwww! Saeros tries to have a civilized conversation with Rumil, which fails because he forgot that Rumil is a hopeless goober. Isengar, Tiger, and Melba wait for the Tea of Doom to end. Meanwhile, Isengar angsts up a storm. What happened to the happy postcoital glow? Eowyn, realizing that she is the only remaining Son of Gondor, releases a greatest hits compilation. Sauron challenges Elrond to a fight for a really dumb reason. Elrond accepts just as dumbly. Gorlim angrily guards the halls and talks to Hani, which seems to calm him down a bit. Well, after much trial and turmoil, the negotiations are over and los Hobbitos are free from the threat of Melkor, hip hip, etc. "The threat of Melkor" means hidden video cameras in the bathrooms and in Tiger and Isengar's room, I think. Why is Lai a vegan if he smokes all the time--isn't it unhealthy? Why is Silinde so incredibly cute? Why is Rumil actually making sense and being astute in this thread? Avery and some of her siblings decide to kill Seven's baby girl. Well, that will be interesting. Have fun, kids. Smeagol and Isengar bond over poetry and sushi, which is kind of odd, but I've seen worse. Mareke sneaks away from camp. Gorlim takes out all his pent-up frustration on some of Ecthelion's apples. Elfwine has hired a staff to do his reading for him. Meanwhile, Elphir acts sweet and vaguely creepy. Ah, my favorite couple. Rumil gives Lai a puppy, whom he names Rhyn, but follows it up by acting like a self-centered boob. Hooray, we're back to normal! Isengar tries to angst, but dreaming of seagulls and getting nookie from Tiger should set him straight. Okay, so Hild is none so pleased that her beloved Frey has married someone who wasn't conceived, born, and deflowered in a saddle. Hanild has let telling Daddy about Gelmir slip her mind somehow. Wonder how ole Helm feels about elves, interracial marriages, and Hanild being married in general. I can guess. Rogue leaves elf poetry and flowers in Hani's room. AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Gorlim gets into a physical altercation with Firiel's brother Artamir over the young lady's affections. This may have been ill-advised, but no one is killed at this point. Hani thinks the flowers and poetry are from Gelmir, ahahaha. Then Theo shows up and the two of them stir up enough sexual tension to make Irmo look their way and wink. Mareke seems to be heading for Rhûn. Jen, most notable for being the mun of Norolinde, has quit MESPT. Her puppets are up for adoption. We'll miss you, girl. Iorhael goes into some alternate dimension or something to talk to his mother and a child version of himself and...listen. I haven't, what with one thing or another--being away all summer, school, losing my internet--I haven't been watching everything closely. So I challenge you--if you're confused about what's up with Iorhael, do your homework. :) The return of Theo in his 'blond Jesus' incarnation has caused confusion for Hani. Ooh, the plot thickens! Can Gelmir really compete with an illiterate ferret king? Hotass pictures of everyone's favorite spider. Eomer and Huan, despite their best efforts, cannot seem to find that blasted werewolf All right, you guys. I have finally seen photographic evidence that Lai is male. Though I admit it's hard to be proved wrong, I'm willing to accept that I made a mista--I BET THEY WERE DOCTORED. That clever, conniving girl. Gorlim fights with Artamir, fights with Firiel, and generally acts kind of unhappy and what not until somehow he starts making out with Firiel and the plot, as they say, has thickened. Also, I recommend everyone look at the comments on this post. I nearly wet myself. Apparently Gorlim was just warming up with Artamir (henceforth, 'Artie') and Firiel, because he lets forth about two Ages' worth of anger on Halbarad here. WHOA. Zoloft, dear? Elrond can write you a prescription. Firiel gently tells Gorlim that she can't be having with any more of these little nighttime makeout sessions now that she's a married woman. Unfortunately, since Gorlim only seems happy around Firi, the avalanche of angst is now inches from us. Hanild and Gram go to Dol Amroth on holiday. Grima explains the lab plan to kill the Valar and the Maiar to his children, who immediately run off and squeal to Jade. I, by the way, am in full favor of this plan. Aule is a menace. Jade decides, for various reasons, to stay in the lab. Run away, Jade. 'Tis a bad place. The angst avalanche hits. Gorlim sobs in the laundry room. Halbarad, for the record, isn't happy either and starts kicking things. I think a hat would cheer him up. Ioreth agrees to let Jade stay if she'll help them with the Valar-killing plans. Hey, it's good news the Valar don't read the paper or they'd catch on, eh? ;) Eomer comforts a tearful Gorlim, and it is heartwarming. Goddammit, I have no snarky remarks to make. Isengar has a nice chat with good old Kevin the Cave Troll. Mirabella returns to Bag End. Tiger apologizes for Melba having to see him and Isengar practicing for their Long and Arda film debut. And finally, Isengar requests that we--Sockpuppets News--run an item about his upcoming birthday bash for Bingo, Iorhael, Plastic Frodo, and any other assorted Frodos or Bilbos. There will be free ale, tiki torches, and lots of easy hobbit chicks. A reminder: I could be funnier if you guys would. Angst is not our friend. Consider the lilies of the field. Or something. Signing off. --n.t. Current Mood: nutty (34 informants | Give us a donation)
Friday, September 5th, 2003
4:57 pm	Online Community Celebrates Birth of a Legend Sockpuppets editor John turns eighteen, becomes legal alcoholic Local liquor store ecstatic, sources say By Zlot McZlotstein III Our fearless leader, looking very much like a Hawaiian serial killer. CANADIA-- Celebrations were frequent and spirits were high on the World Wide Web today in honor of famous mun, Sockpuuppets editor, and all-around wit John Harris's eighteenth birthday. Thousands of messages offering birthday greetings were seen on LiveJournal throughout the day. (Well, at least three, anyway.) John, who appeared as a fresh-faced new star on the MESPT scene in February of 2002, is perhaps best known for having the most puppets of any mun. While he never gives the same number twice, our Gaavs report that he in fact owns sixty-two journals. Some of his best-loved characters are Theoden, Eru, Elfwine, Grima, Ioreth, Elphir, Salmar, and many other Sockpuppets media darlings. In April of 2002, with his friend and rumored lover, Kyra, he founded Sockpuppets Tabloid, a respectable rag devoted to the highest level of journalistic integrity. We reached Kyra for an exclusive and highly cryptic quote. "John is a very special type of person. I think of him as being similar to a very small amount of porn--a teaspoon, perhaps, if porn were measured in teaspoons. Because, see, John does not barrage you mercilessly with his sexy self. This self usually reveals itself at one crucial moment. But after that, you are scarred irrevocably transfigured into a higher form of being. Like Sam on the Farm, if you know what I mean. Although I'm not sure if he's that well-endowed. And he has sense enough to stay away from barbed wire. So no, he's not really like Sam on the farm. If I could, I would feed him a hobbit though," Kyra said. Kyra and John's little newspaper that could has employed, over the past year, such notables as Morgoth, Lord of All Evil; Luthien, the fairest child of Men and Elves that Arda has ever seen; Frodo Baggins, the savior of Middle-earth; and Kielle. John still serves Sockpuppets as editor-in-chief; his main duty is terrorizing Zlot and Steph into writing newsposts for him until their fragile wills are broken, a job which he thoroughly enjoys. We asked popular MESPT mun Nicole, who brought us such cuties as Luthien and Alcawyn, to leave a message for the birthday boy. She replied, "Dear John, please take good care of the kidney I let you borrow, 'cause I've only got one spare left." Sockpuppets intern Kielle, when reached for comment regarding today's august event, said, "I adore John and I can't believe he's 18 already. *boggles*" When asked about a possible John/Eomer storyline, she chased the Gaav on duty around his desk, brandishing a cleaver. We all know what this means: hot action is forthcoming between MESPT's two hottest studs, and you heard it here first! Michelle, mun of Elrond II and assorted Noldorin pansies, commented: "I think John getting another year older is a travesty and I vow a most sacred oath by Iluvatar and all the Valar that it WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN." She paused a moment and added, "Damn, wait, he's not a Silmaril." John plans to spend his birthday engaging in some legal binge drinking. Long live Canada! This is Sockpuppets Tabloid, signing off. Current Mood: yay! (9 informants | Give us a donation)
Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003
10:10 am	egglered = Baby swan! erisdiscord = Ummm...yeah. o.O furueru = Wraithspawn! hathaldir = Somebody else Gorlim got killed. hobbitkitty = Smial kitty! ivybracegirdle = Looks male, sounds female -- hmm... rohanqueen = Léan, Frealaf's wife tigergoodbody = Another for the Smial crew. (2 informants | Give us a donation)
Monday, September 1st, 2003
9:55 pm	That's right. I'm back for yet another incredibly long, less than funny SP report. Deal with it. Lai sketches Rumil in his sleep. While RUMIL sleeps, not Lai. Dammit. Lai's talented, but not that talented. Horoscopes! For muns and puppets alike. Melkor sends Luthien and Eomer an early wedding present. Some dude's gonna film the wedding. And possibly the wedding night, but then...we've all seen Eomer in action already, haven't we? Melkor then learns Bingo has evilkidnapped Damien and reacts somewhat accordingly. Bingo, Bingo, Bingo. You poor, mad fool! Isengar sings a song to turned-to-stone Primrose. Felarof gets some. Mouth chats with Thorondir, then gets in trouble with Ioreth. Really hasn't been Mouth's month, or two, has it? Our two newest slaves recruits dole out advice SP-style. Dear Sockpuppets. I recently volunteered to write a news report for a fairly reputable publication, only to find out that the boss is a sadistic egomaniac who pays us in coconuts. He gave me my freedom once, then cruelly snapped it away a few weeks later. What should I do? Yours, Anonymous. Hani tries to figure out what to do about Gelmir. Theo shows up and so does Death, who proceeds to drive the poor girl over the edge. Breakfast with Bingo. Many comments follow. I can only say Bingo better enjoy that breakfast, for it may be his last. Ruby and Theoredes escape from freaky wraith-wives, build a fortress and hide in a tree. Jade happens by and is relived of her cookies. Six has his way with Yaban. The Easterling decides giving in is the noble approach. Theodwyn probably reminds people of something they really may not have needed reminding of. Beechbone and Del go on a road trip. So the lj-cut text says. Del decides to go home. Eol leaves Minas Tirith, cause it's too tame. Aredhel runs and Arvedui offers him a position in Arthedain. Eomer finds Haldir's letter. Wedding, Eomer. Focus. Arvedui heads back to Arthedain. And leaves behind divorce papers for Firiel. Awww. Isengar sulks and goes to his room to drink. Melba offers him some company. Thorondir goes to Ioreth for punishment. She decides not to, and tells him she'll punish Mouth and Trotter if anything does happen. Damn. Ioreth's scarier than my Mom. Sae wanders around the actor's camp and chats with Lai. Lai makes sure Sil is happy traveling with the troupe. Luthien prepares for her wedding and threatens to smite anyone who kidnaps her or Eomer during the ceremony. Eowyn seems undaunted. It's Thorondir's birthday! Poor thing seems to be under the illusion he's of age now, when he's really only one. Ully pulls a Perrin and chews on her foot. Gorlim is fascinated. Guthlaf is determined to win Hani's affection. Best of luck, buddy. The wedding of the age begins! Well, the guests start to arrive, anyway. Este puts Six in his place. Mareke and Lai have a nice talk. Though there's an awful lot of meowing and hissing. Seven complains about not being able to have sex while pregnant. Her father convinces her otherwise. Yeah. Eomer and Luthien get married!!! After Eomer gets kidnapped, rescued, Eowyn gets grounded and Elu Thingol II shows up. Elrohir writes poetry for Arwen's boobies. And the Elronds return. Lai chats with Rumil. Eomer retires with Luthien for their wedding night. Thankfully, no cameramen are in the vicinity. Gorlim babysits. Grima carries on as usual. Well, as usual as you can when your kids are balrog kittens. Marilla scrapes her knees and Rumil tries to help. Hani enjoys her time in Dol Amroth. Bingo and everyone at Back End discuss how to deal with Melkor. Very, very carefully. And throw in lots of sex. Del confesses to Lai and Idril. Yaban is back at camp and in search of a new diary rock. Sae enlightens him to the concept that trees are alive. Rumil doesn't like children. Lai consoles him. Perrin bites Niphy. Gorlim tells him to wait til he's older... Beechbone scolds Yaban. Akhoraphil easterlingnaps Mareke. Halbarad and Nadiyah ponder hiring Gorlim as a Nanny. Once they get that whole baby thing underway. Pictures from Lai. Yaban tries to look for Mareke. Six hinders this somewhat, til Lai distracts him. Lai asks Sae and Ameniel to help Yaban look for Mareke. Firiel is lonely. Seven bitches about not being able to do anything. Six, per usual, annoys her, then they make up. Felarof feels the side effects of chasing around after Eomer like a maniac. Gorlim gets tired of babysitting and talks to Halbarad instead. Which leads to incredible aNgSt. And drinking. Fangirl's not joking this time. Elfwine reacts to his father's wedding. Hild bitches. Hani returns to Minas Tirith. And gets good and annoyed by Guthlaf. Ecthelion settles in to the throne of Gondor...for protection purposes only. Really. Felarof joins him and they share some apples. Idril responds to everything that's been going on by drinking. An excellent solution to life's problems. Melkor heads to the Lonely Mountain. Supervises some filming, then gets lost in video games. Isengar and Tiger share a moment. Gorlim sleeps it off. Nadiyah goes off in search of the kids. Fangirl goes into labour and uses Binky as a punching bag. Cause Hama's not around. Akhoraphil wants to keep her new doll. Yaban tries pleading, then resorts to violence. Hani doesn't know what to do about Guthlaf. Theo only adds to her problems. Narya goes off in search of Damien. Can't be that bad of an evil god if his shinies miss him so. Arod grazes. Snowmane remains the embarrassment of the mearas line. Bingo invites Melkor to tea. Well. That's a new approach. Aredhel the new wonders what to do. Eru, who does not approve of people living in sin, marries Rumil, Lai and Sil. And chinchilladom for those who don't follow along. Theo kisses Hani again and plans to take her fishing. Also, slugs in Rogue's hair. Lai tries to figure out what the hell just happened. Eomer and Luthien emerge from wedded bliss. Eomer has something to tell Luthien and it's a DOOZY. Firi and Frey chat about stuff, including Arvedui. Firiel babysits Gram and writes a letter to Arvi. Eomer asks her to look after Niphy too, since Gorlim's kid bit her. Lots of Sin/Merin chat. They might be engaged, but Sin isn't telling. Melkor unveils WOHDS. You really have to see it for yourself. Halbarad has a hangover. Drinking away aNgSt will do that. Eomer gives Arda something else to snicker at. Akhoraphil is upset her doll is gone. But says she'll be back. Denethor is inspired to more Faramir torture. Arvi arrives in the Shire and annoys hobbits. Iorhael determines weapons for the denizens of Back End. Hobbits with weapons other than frying pans. Am I the only one unsettled by this? The Waterwatcher celebrates an anniversary. Hani returns from fishing. And no touching without permission, dammit. Frey has a question. Theo gets beat on more by Frey. Also, ponders leaving with Gildor. Thorondir and Mouth chat. I’m beginning to think these two spend waaay too much time together. Lai announces the next play. Mareke is uncomfortable. Yaban forbids her from returning to evil wraith wives. Fangirl takes labour in stride. Isengar decides tea is the cure for all evils. HA! Fine. I thought it was funny. Guthlaf decides to visit Hani. However, the next post tells us he was not in time... ...Cause Gelmir proposes to Hani. Even more shocking? She says yes. APOCOLYPSE I TELL YOU. Ameniel runs into Ruru. He's looking for Sae and she was bored looking for Mareke. Firi convinces Frey to leave Theo alone. He is so whipped. Fangirl spawns. Narya continues the search. Morwen is still drunk. Damn. Whatever she was drinking, I want some. Lokiel uses her feline wiles to obtain transportation. Cause human's brains are so easily manipulated. Faramir III asks his father and brother for help against his mun. Vidumavi shows off the spoils of her knitting. Draugluin rampages more. Ruru finds Sae. They decide to give the relationship a go. Eomer gets news of Draugluin's killing spree. Not a happy King. Gorlim goes sniffing for silver. To use against werewolves. Hal helps. Jigglypuff gets something to jiggle. We mourn Hal's hat. Theo gets lost. Ends up in Osgiliath and meets Lai again. Murray and Noro have a really fucked up conversation. Ru, there are a lot of people named Ru around here, is a jackass to Firi. But we're pretty sure she's ok with that. Luthien sends out a warning. Iorhael doles out the weaponry. Nadiyah sort of scolds Hal for drinking. Theo toys with Radhruin. Lai is depressed and smokes, while chatting with Rumil. Hey, he could be our first chain-smoking elf. Noro tries to kill herself. AGAIN. Namuras gets lucky with Noro. I assume before she attempts to off herself. Idril gets a makeover. And so does Beechbone. Rumil takes off the tacky bracelet Eru gave him, Lai and Sil as a symbol of their marriage. Chinchilladom. Yaban has a new pet. Yaban teaches the newly dubbed Chinchirumi to attack Sil. Mareke wants to eat it. Wulf makes fun of Luthien. I think the general consensus here is that he's lucky he's already dead. Eomer confesses to Luthien. She's very understanding about it all. Drogo decides to try to find a cure for evilFrodo. Isengar enjoys the unevilness while it lasts. Jigglypuff is ticked off no one took advantage of her human self. Noro is still alive. And pissed at Gorlim for not telling him about Eomer. She leaves. Tifin bids us farewell. Gorlim aNgStS over Noro leaving. Aww, we have our good ol'angst-ridden Gorlim back. Lai finds Rumil's bracelet. Hani is getting married. Brytta inquires about bridesmaids. Theo reacts to Hani's engagement, not knowing why Frey wants him dead and Rogue's absence. By fishing in a bucket. Yaban is not convinced Chinchirumi is actually Rumil. Or at least he won't admit he is. Hathaldir the young arrives. Ully misses Noro. Gorlim tries to soothe her. Theodwyn wants Theo to visit. Frey gets even more annoyed than usual. Way to go Wulf. Guthlaf decides to find another way to climb the social ladder. Since Hani's engaged to someone else and all. Bingo spends some time with Iorhael. Melba is busy. Primula likes her chair, too. Sil hunts for Yaban and Chinchirumi with tongs. Though Lai talks him out of it. Gorlim receives comfort from Hani. He then goes to look in on the twins. Seven gives birth. And doesn't die. Introducing the spawn of Seven and Gildor, Furueru. Avery is not an animal. Wraithbaby. Got it? Sae and Ruru do NOT cuddle. Really, they don't. Rather, Sil and Sae have a small chat. Grima orders Trotter around. Namuras shows up and taunts. Trotter gets to work and fights with Mouth. According to Namuras, these two are due for a shag. Let's see... Isengar wonders what will happen when Melkor shows up. Sex, I'd imagine. Ruby Gamgee, pirate extraordinaire, gets a makeover. So does her Princess, who is less then thrilled. Ilmare is happy over her good deed. Vanthene works on getting rid of Firiel. And wonders how to ruin Hani's wedding. Artamir goes on a picnic. Lai has fun with Chinchirumi. Ameniel scares it, I think. Melian congratulates the happy couple. Dior sends his congratulations along as well. Firiel finds Gorlim. She takes him and the babies to the healers to find a wet nurse. Iorhael still feels the effects of the ring. Bingo offers comfort. Gorlim is a little relived. He wanders to Halbarad's room to sleep. Vanthene's up to something. Which is never good. Melkor accepts Bingo invitation to tea. It better be evil tea, Bingo. Ivy has a question for Melba. Jade returns to work to bully the staff. Holfast searches for Sparky's doll. Hild Galmod gets annoyed by Namuras. Grima to the rescue. Javier learns the meaning of "declaw". Iorlas goes running home to mommy. Which is something altogether different when your mother is Ioreth. The Evenstar panics. Merin catches a Sin. Uruviel gets to work. Jade visits the lab. Thorondir is less than welcoming, probably because he's convinced she's there for Mouth. Feanor has a basilisk. Bad, Maglor, bad!! Nienna delivers her message. Luthien shows off Niphy's walking progress. And for the love of all that's holy, I'm done. DONE I TELL YOU. Please help me send in donations. Yours, The Sockpuppets cub reporter Current Mood: snarky (7 informants | Give us a donation)
Friday, August 29th, 2003
6:48 pm	In honour of Zlot. Remember the hat? We remember the hat (22 informants | Give us a donation)
Friday, August 22nd, 2003
8:02 pm	Dear Sockpuppets.. That's right. It's the return of our advice column, with our newly hired advisors: elvenwisdom, and femmefatale. Dear Sockpuppets: Why does my family keep arguing with me? Surely I am always right. From: A Poor Put-upon King Dear Kingie: From your letter, I can tell you are a chauvinist pig. Kindly do the world a favour and rid us of your presence. Fucker. :: femmefatale Dear Put-upon King: Family will argue until their tongues fall off. It's what family does. The trick is to listen and see if they actually have any good advice amisdt all the whining and complaints. :: elvenwisdom ----- Dear Sockpuppets: How can I actually keep the throne, should I actually manage to get it again?" Arvedui Dear Arvedui: Refrain from going on random adventures, and have a loyal following before you try to claim it. :: elvenwisdom Dear Arvedui: Violence. It solves all the world's problems. Simply kill off anyone who threatens your power. :: femmefatale ----- Dear Sockpuppets: I was stuck in the car from 8 fucking AM to 10:30 at night. I am going through this again next Sunday. My question: How do I create a telepod that will instantly teleport me anywhere I choose and create world peace? From: Kou-- err, Fosco. Dear Fosco: Endear yourself to Aulë and get him to make it for you. :: elvenwisdom Dear Moron: You don't. :: femmefatale ----- Dear Sockpuppets: What are your feelings toward open-toed shoes? Thx liek omg? Dear 'omg': I have no objections to them. :: elvenwisdom Dear ... whatever: Get a fucking clue. :: femmefatale ----- Dear Sockpuppets: I think I turn into a rodent each month, my girlfriend made me throw out my antidepressants and her cousin keeps trying to crush my soul. What I want to know is if I should be using a powerdrill or an axe when I finally snap? -teh ferret king Dear ferret king: Don't snap. A slower release of emotions over a length of time is healthier for both yourself and those around you. :: elvenwisdom Dear teh ferret: Go for the powerdrill. Although an axe can do more damage more quickly, it's been greatly over done to the point of being cliché. :: femmefatale Thank you and goodnight. Donations appreciated and keep up the letters. (Give us a donation)
4:39 am	HOROSCOPES Aries March 21-April 19 : Look out! BEHIND YOU! NO YOU FOOL-- Taurus April 20-May 20 : Again, that puppet you're eyeing? Your mun's. And your mun. Hates. You. Go kill yourself in a random angstplot. There is nothing for you here. Hope has left these lands. Gemini May 21-June 21 : Twincest ho! You make the Baby Eru cry. Clonecest, however, makes the Baby Eru giggle with delight before smiting your elven asses. We missed you, newsthingie. Cancer June 22-July 22 : The apocalypse comes for you and you only. It's a localized apocalypse. You're special. Leo July 23-August 22 : There is only love and light in your future. All your plots will go apace and every day will be another experience in delight and joy. God we hate you. Virgo August 23-September 22 : AHAHAHHAHAHA Libra September 23-October 22 : Financial decisions may weigh on your romantic choices, Libra. We have no idea why. They just do. Fuck off. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. Scorpio October 23 - November 21 : Don't eat that. Sagittarius November 22-December 21 : blah blah destiny blah blah romance blah blah sex blah blah die fornicator blah Capricorn December 22-January 19 : That plot you swore you'd never do? How's the morning sickness, sweetheart? Aquarius January 20-February 18 : Yeah, elves suck, don't they? Tell me about it. Pisces February 19-March 20 : Yeah, hobbits suck, don't they? Tell me about. Oh, and someone will use a 'neutral' arena to mock your lifestyles and choices please be kind they did it at three am and they're canadian so you know something isn't right there. Aren't Rohirrim shiny and wonderful and perfect above all other Middle earthean races? yeah, I thought so too :D (3 informants | Give us a donation)
3:58 am	Hi, Zlot speaking. You may remember me as the former newsthingie of Sockpuppets. Since my editor informs me that Steph, our cub reporter, can no longer stand his infernal nagging, I have been asked to retake my post as your resident reporter, commentator, and jackass. Now, keep in mind that I have not read a single MESPT entry for two months. I have no idea what is going on. John says he'll fill me in as I go. Lai and Marilla have a cutesy conversation--hold the phone. Lai and Rumil are getting married? Which one's the bride? Apparently Primrose is turning into a hobbit-shaped birdbath. The things you miss. However, Isengar and Tiger take my mind off it by unloading a shitload of sexual tension on me. Woof. Hild employs Vanthene to get Firiel out of Frey's life. Awwwwww, why? She's so cute and cuddly and, I admit it, probably Hanild's true love but I don't think she knows that yet. Silinde's having TRIPLETS?! Uh, I mean, Silinde's having triplets. Obviously. I totally knew that he was knocked up by (insert pansy elf's name here). Six is cute and Seven is a total bitch to him. Some things never change. Um, anyway, Six is sorry about something, I have no idea what, et cetera. A MYSTERIOUSLY FEMALE Theoden does a bunch of things, but most importantly shags Gildor. Eomer and Luthien decide that their wedding, which should finally give Professor T enough momentum to send him and his coffin spinning into outer space, will be held on Saturday. The plastic hobbits and elves are guided to the Eagle and Child (Tolkie's favorite pub) by a guardian spirit, aka Audrey. I MISSED PLASTIC TOWN A LOT WHILE I WAS GONE. Plastic Elrond sent my Elrond two postcards, though. It was wonderful. <3 <3 <3 Lai acts all cute; Rumil sulks. Lai is excessively sweet to Rumil; Rumil acts like a brat. Lai finally gets exasperated, Rumil shags Lai. I LOVE THESE TWO. It totally escapes me how they both managed to get Silinde pregnant at the same time though. YABAN! I missed Yaban! He gives Mareke flowers, aww. Denethor's letter opener that can permanently kill Middle-eartheans is mysteriously stolen. Oh god. Oh dear lord, I thought Saeros was a girl. Why do I keep making these mistakes? Erkenbrand, thanks to the letter opener of DOOM, ceases to be. :( We shall not see his like again. I shall remember his perviness fondly. Theodwyn's back! And considerably less scary this time, so far anyway. Come on, new girl, you know you want to declare war on the Shire. What the hell...? Yeah, well, I don't know who Artamir is. So that about sums it up. Halbarad and Nadiyah try to have a cutesy food fight, but are interrupted by a sudden freight train of ANGST. Dammit. Every time, eh? point five elven: hey, have halbarad and gorlim done it yet? TakaCrantz: Nope point five elven: why? TakaCrantz: Halbarad got married point five elven: that's no excuse Menelsul is reunited with dear old dad, who promptly tells him to start having lots of sex. What a cool father Menelsul has. Gwathren hates Thorondir (WHO I MISSED OMG) for some reason that I am (surprise!) not aware of, but can't say no to his delicious spaghetti. omg labbies!!!1 Hanild is slightly alarmed when Death starts playing with her son. But Death's so CUTE! He scampers around and...chitters... THE FANGIRL DELIVERS HER SPAWN ok not really. What?! Firiel's pregnant too? No one tells me anything. Theoden tries to explain to his sister why he married her husband. The citizens of Plastic Town introduce their readers to the history behind the Eagle and Child and drink to Prof. Tolkie, may he rest in peace and please forgive me for everything esp. Elrond, amen. ...this thread defies description. Uh, Morgoth tries to arrange Isengar and Tiger in a compromising (not to mention unclothed) position, but an alarm is set off and everyone behaves amusingly and Bingo says a naughty word and, uh, apparently they have a pet kitty, which I did not know. And then Spiderman showed up. It's a...baby swan! And aww, I cannot decide who is cuter, the swan or Luthien. Frey gets all peeved and stressed out and manly. Woof. Firiel's a lucky girl. Eomer changes the flag of Gondor, because apparently he is king now which is another thing no one bothered to tell me about. He also basically invites any comers to usurp the throne during his wedding, though I'm not sure that's what he meant to say. Denethor is so fucked and decides to barbecue his son one last time. You know, for its therapeutic value. OK, I lied. Arathorn and Tobey are no longer the Ambiguously Gay Duo--they're just the Gay Duo. Anyway, Tobey runs off in his little Spandex costume. Halbarad takes time out from his perfect honeymoon to miss Aragorn. Awwww. You know what I miss? THE HAT, BOY-O. Rumil acts like an attention-hungry nine year old, as usual. Lai seems to find it endearing, as usual. They shag, as usual. These two might as well be married already. Stuff happens to Theoden, and then he seduces Gildor and generally is sexy. Felarof needs to get all hot and studly again. In a horse-y way. Helm gives Guthlaf permission to court Hanild. Aww. point five elven: who is guthlaf? TakaCrantz: he is Theoden's ex-banner bearer and currently after Hanild's hand in marriage so he can go up in society Oooh. Suddenly he sounds sleazy. Halfast arrives at Bag End to see to Primrose. Um...lots of stuff happens between Mouth and Diri, but no sex yet, and I don't think I can be expected to read all of it, so... Go read it yourself! Awwwwwwwww, Ecthelion makes Arwen a bunch of sparkly dresses that bear no resemblance to tablecloths AT ALL no really. Eomer makes Ecthelion his Steward of Gondor--a wise move, I feel--and alienates Arvedui quite a bit. All at once! Primrose is completely turned to stone. Before I can buy her so my birdies have a place to take a bath, Morgoth offers her to Damien. Dammit, that kid gets everything. Gelmir shows up at Hanild's pad and--lord. This is how it runs: HANI: Hi. GELMIR: Hi. H: Nice weather we're having. G; Yeah. I'm in love with you. H: ...oh. G: Sorry to spring it on you like that. H: No, it's ok. G: Nice weather we're having. H: Yeah. Cute. Vanthene steals a few things from a healer. Hmm. Apparently we're not good enough for Galmod anymore. Harrumph. Note from Elrond: please, PLEASE do not let Galadriel XIII redecorate Imladris. Bad decorators go to the bad place. Norolinde wants to go on a honeymoon. Let me warn you and Gorlim right now, on behalf of Sockpuppets: NO ANGST IS ALLOWED ON HONEYMOONS. No suicide attempts, no self-mutilation, and most definitely no turning into a Lisa Frank unicorn. Oh yeah, they told me about that one. Freaks, all of you. Seven wants to punish Gildor for knocking her up when she, uh, raped him. Her logic does not resemble our earth logic. Rumil is nice to Silinde and doesn't act like a spoiled brat for five minutes. Hurrah! Uh, so, Gildor and Theoden get engaged. TakaCrantz: and theo is engaged :D point five elven: to gildor? point five elven: awww TakaCrantz: His answer to the proposal: "Okay, I guess" Theo is a born romantic. Thorondir. Mouth. Sexxx. Yay. Yeah, well. Bingo kidnaps Damien to use as a bargaining chip with Morgoth. Whoa. No, I didn't know Bingo had that much backbone either. Yaban decapitates Six. Six kidnaps Yaban. Can't we all just get along? Finally, Mim is naked. w00t!!! This newspost may be a little shaky as I get used to being in the driver's seat again, but I assure you more MESPT hilarity will be forthcoming in the weeks to come. Zlot, signing off. --la newsthingie (18 informants | Give us a donation)
Sunday, August 17th, 2003
10:02 pm	Let’s get right into it… Luthien offers advice to Nadiyah. Takes place before the wedding. I don't know, I can see our local Haradrim in something white and frilly. Hanild is melancholy. Not angsty. Let's get that right. Dai wants to know if Ru's seen any kiwis. Ru makes fun of him and Tifin and then goes off to read with Hanild and Gram. Nadiyah is a married woman. And charges Gorlim with a very important task - guarding the newlywed couple on their wedding night. Halbarad is a married man. Ecthelion offers his congratulations with vegetables. Haldir, who is not boring, heads out onto the parapet. And in a move I so totally predicted, he runs into Rumil! Theo goes through his poison collection. And annoys Hani. All in a day's work. Firiel and Hanild have a little girl talk. Artamir and Brytta meet. I knew Artamir would be a popular boy. Evil Frodo is too pretty to be stomped. Galadriel the 13th heads off to the hospital with her knives. To mourn the loss of icons. Galathil is accepting donations. Isengar writes a letter to Kevin. Seems Isengar's a popular boy these days too. The kiwis have been found! This takes its toll on poor Tif. Theo's on drugs. Hani is not pleased. Also, Rogue makes an appearance. Namo I updates the "database". Fair warning now - use the wrong form, get turned into a radish. Isengar has a smitten hobbit on his hands. Iorhael, Bingo and Primula offer assistance. Gorlim guards Hal and Nadiyah. And is so NOT listening in. Gelmir arrives in Minas Tirith. He meets up with Hanild and his brother. Erchi lives! Glimdoron sings an ode to his new form. Noro's back. And ready to pick up where she left off. Hani conducts a test. Firiel offers babysitting services. A letter from Elrond II. Yeah, time to start cleaning up Rivendell. Eomer and Haldir have a heart to heart. Felarof returns to Gondor. Ancalagon isn't quite himself. Melkie is more than amused. Ecthelion gets a lesson in vegetable identification. Eomer has an idea! Here's the kicker - IT WORKS! Haldir gets some sleep. Lokiel knows where she's going. Morwen is drunk. Faramir 3 dislikes mothballs. Vidumavi is still knitting. And still pregnant. Draugluin goes on a bloody rampage. O.o Jade moves into her new digs and sends the happy couple a wedding present. Laiqalasse misses Rumil. Silinde doesn't. Frey and Firi make wedding plans. It's cute, sappy, etc. Ameniel's first post. She gives Lai something to think about. Primula recounts her arrival at Back End. Eomer decides he wants to be King of Gondor. You know, cause it's something to do. Ruru and Sae head to Minas Tirith to see the play. Firiel is happy. Which should last all of what, 30 seconds? Thorondir has not yet lost the war. But he did lose the battle so he takes it out on Gwathren. Gildor thinks travelling with the troupe is boring. Six and Seven fix that. Mouth entertains Thorondir. Which really is a full time job and should include danger pay. Lai makes a list. He also makes a decision and shags Sil. Sage wisdom from Fosco. ....who loves his wife, sometimes. Gorlim and Firiel talk about happiness. Ok, maybe a minute. Haldir says his goodbyes. Gorlim salutes him accordingly. Hani leaves Helm on his own. In true Rohirric fashion, Helm decides to drink the problem away. Iorhael is tired. His mother and Bingo keep him company. Eomer is King. We think. Brytta offers Firiel wedding advice. Isengar counts his lovers blessings. Uner is hungry. If this surprises you, you don't belong here. Iende whisks Uner off to Minas Tirith in search of a baby to eat. Well, they've got the right place. Primrose is still unconscious. Ann Larimer amuses Nemy. Damien wants shiny wraiths. Many shinies volunteer. Fran considers employment. Galmod doesn't get it. Galathil is sobering up. FOR SHAME! Arvedui laments not being King anymore. Evil Frodo turns to stone. Six determines Seven's baby is killing her. The only solution? Kill the parasite. Seven doesn't go for it. Damien makes Jacques a wraith. He also gets his freedom from Feanor. *checks for signs of apocalypse* Theo takes pills and gets sick. Hani worries and thinks they're drugs. Firiel worries and makes him get some rest. Business as usual for Erendis. Noro tries to convince Gorlim, unsuccessfully, that here in MESPT, men can have babies. Really, the evidence for this is overwhelming. Gwathren annoys Trotter. Just mention the name "Arwen". Primula keeps herself busy. Melba keeps her company. Lai is lonely. And misses Rumil, natch. Feanor wants a basilisk. You know, I'm not really sure that's an altogether good idea. Ivy makes a name for himself. Life according to Bingo. Happiness abounds, it seems. Hani decides to take a break from Theo. Thinking will be involved, apparently. Thorondir chats with Gwathren and Mouth. Separately, and neither goes well. Eomund is alive. And would prefer not to be a dragon meal again, thank you very much. Seven resigns herself to dying for her daughter. Six builds baby furniture. Artimir is bored and walks down to the river. Thorondir gets the message. Luthien tells Theo what he doesn’t want to hear. He reacts by going frog hunting. Ivy is alone and miserable. Hild isn't a royal advisor anymore, but Eomer offers the possibility. Um, Eomer? Not a good idea. Trust us. Ameniel is naked, for some reason. Sil sees his first naked female. Iorhael clears things up for us. Duly noted and appreciated. Hani thinks. Yaban and Mareke end up in Minas Tirith. Mouth wonders if he did the right thing. Frey is in a good mood. No, really. Asphodel makes herself useful. Gwathren follows an escaping Thorondir and goes nuts. As nuts as she can, I suppose. Theo gets annoyed and interrogated. He also shows off his catch for the day. Melkie has fun with Isengar and Primrose. Isengar then helps Primula in the kitchen. Tilion has a puppy!! Also, the Mars thing? Not him. Nadiyah and Halbarad FINALLY emerge from the bedroom. Gorlim presents Hal with the knife and yes, it all ends in a pillow fight. Tonight's performance: The Sun and the Moon. Lai watches the performance. Ameniel meets Ruru. Hani takes Gram to the library and disturbs people. Saeros meets Lai and Sil. Sil turns out to be Sae's brother. Vanthene is amused at Luthien's plight. And concerned over Eomer's Kingship. Rumil and Lai make up. Awwwwwwww. Lai is happy. Yaban shows up, which could complicate things. Rumil and Lai go shopping and run into Noro. She ends up feeling like crap about herself over something Rumil says. Eomer is still King. He and Arvedui come to an agreement, swans show up and a drink with Gorlim is set up. Adunahil knits. Seven convinces him to loosen her bonds somewhat. Sae thinks about his meeting with Sil. He's also a bit jealous over Ruru spending time with Ameniel. Mareke is annoyed. Yaban tries to help. Eru chooses Gorlim to be his bride. Gorlim reluctantly agrees. Theo gets bothered by Hild. Also, not a ferret. Salmar and Ruby get hitched. Erendis doesn't care that Thorondir is gone. Mouth and Trotter, on the other hand, go out to search for him. Mouth finds Thorondir. And Trotter finds them both. Thorondir is not pleased at being taken back to the lab. Yaban meets Sae. Mareke can't believe he still can't tell the male elves from the female ones. Eru proceeds with wedding plans. Sil suspects he's turning into a woman. Sae has a chat with him and Sil asks to go live with him and Ruru. Isengar gets a letter from Tiger. The Swans leave a present for Eomer. *DIES* Silmaril II runs off with Damien. Feanor is not happy. A new Melian arrives. Iohael annoys his mun. Atta boy. Helm is ok with not being King until he gets bored again. He also tried to impart fatherly advice on a confused Hanild, who thinks that's not such a good idea. Eomer finds an egg. All of Arda laughs hysterically. Isengar and Tiger go out for a drink. Primrose starts to turn to stone. All at Back End frets. Melkie acquires lawn ornaments. Yaban decides to punish himself for sleeping with Lai by cutting off a finger. Lai heals him and faints. Mareke freaks out and Rumil gets angry. Picture post from Rumil. Primula meets the hobbit kitty. Lai wakes up dazed and confused. Rumil helps him figure it all out. Lobelia continues to enjoy Bad End by herself. Until a not-so-anonymous person tells Otho where she is. Isengar sends a note to Kevin explaining why he can't make their date. Folco brews some homemade alcohol. Hanild goes for a walk. And enjoys Murray’s company. Cel and Esmerelda decide to visit Back End. Anvanime is bored. So. Disturbed. Isengar maintains a vigil at Primrose's side and sends another note to Kevin. Noro reacts to Eru marrying Gorlim. Eru offers to make her Bride of Eru the Second. Ruru seems a bit upset that Sae is spending time with Sil. Mareke finds out why Yaban cut off his finger. Lai writes letters. Melkie announces an art exhibit. Mouth responds to Thorondir's request to leave the lab by taking him to Mandos. Kevin arrives at Back End. He and Isengar have a chat. Mouth explains things to Ioreth. Esmerelda rats on Lobelia. Jade greets Thorondir. Luthien progresses and likes the new pet. Mouth drags Thorondir back to the lab. Ioreth and Mouth have a chat. Ioreth also scares the wits out of Thorondir. Ivy gets rescued by Bingo and Iorhael. Mouth takes responsibility for Thorondir. Jade's life goes back to normal. Or as normal as it gets. Seven passes the time. Hild is ticked off at Firiel being pregnant. And vows to do something about it. Haiku from Tiger. Firiel wanders out to the gardens. Mouth and Thorondir reach an agreement. Theo's a girl. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Perrin reacts to Eru marrying his parents. Iorhael confiscates Bingo. I don't think Bingo minds. Lai wonders what to do. Hani makes a decision and looks for Theo. Theo tacks a note to his door denying that he's around. Hani finds Theo. After getting him to admit he is actually Theoden, she breaks it off with him. Isengar makes a real entry. Mareke and Yaban have a moping contest. The Haiku generator frightens Arvedui. Rogue annoys an angsting Theo. Theo goes for a walk and gets lost. Not to mention molested. Repeatedly. A new Theodwyn appears. Angrim decides to open a sperm bank. Gorlim's gonna *love* that. Bingo recaps. Until next time. Please send in donations. Yours, The Sockpuppet’s cub reporter. Current Mood: busy (8 informants | Give us a donation)
Sunday, August 3rd, 2003
8:08 pm	Not where we left off, because I'm tired and cranky. Grima decides to teach Hild (Galmod) how to fish. Holfast thinks about taking Gertrude home. Javier Galmod stalks a moth. Evie's in the dark. But it's a soft, warm dark place, so no Damien fear. A sick Firiel gets a visit from Hild. The other Hild. This possibly makes Firiel sicker. Arvedui comes clean. More than Aragorn ever did. Scribe Rumil wishes Saeros would put the moves on him. But Saeros is too shy. Given this is MESPT, I don't think that will last too long. An easterling duet. Gwindor wakes up next to Luthien. And Eomer is ok with this. Helm vs Arvi. Round 1. Ioreth is big and scary. She and Erendis decide to freak out Mouth. Bingo prepares to travel to Mount Doom. Iorhael made a ring. You know the story. Newly Elficized Asphodel runs into Eol. He seems impressed. Ioreth and Erendis tell Mouth they're having an affair. Mouth takes it rather well, considering. Lai pines over Rumil and gets comfort from Silinde. Sil would do more, but Lai only has eyes for Rumi. Hanild gets drunk and tries to talk Theo into getting married. He acts like a gentleman. Wimp. Fosco finds having a wife troublesome. Sil is in denial. But he's still pregnant. The EoFaraHaldir Soap Opera. Thorondir takes the opportunity of Mouth and Ioreth breaking up to seduce Mouth. Mouth, however, is resolute and nothing happens. The EoFaraHaldir Soap Opera, continued. Theo annoys a hung over Hani. For the record, she missed his shoes. The Morning After, with Mouth and Thorondir. Except it's the morning after nothing happened and Thorondir appears to be after Mouth's books more than anything else. Saeros plots to get into Ruru's pants. He also admits that damn blue elf scares him. Glad I'm not the only one. Frealaf explains things to Gram. As only Frey can. Warning: Sick Dragon. Ioreth tells Mouth the whole "seeing Erendis" thing was a joke. Mouth decides they need a to take a break. Only three people are interested in shagging Eomer. History, however, proves otherwise. After a rousing night of drinking with Gwindor and Luthien, Gorlim sleeps. Asphodel gets closer to her goal. Frealaf tries some reverse psychology on Theo. Don't think it works, which is probably why Rohirrim really shouldn't try psychology of any kind on anyone. Hild and Firiel bond. Because being called a lying, conniving hussy can only endear you to your future mother-in-law. Gorlim wakes up angsty. There's nothing new. Alcawyn and Firiel offer comfort. Firiel searches for single men. Only one she finds is Radhruin. Not exactly what you'd call "a catch". Rumil fights with trees. Seven pays him a visit. Hani decides to rebel. Look out, Princess on the loose. Seven taunts Gildor and Lai. Gildor agrees to help Seven in her plot to trap Six. Mouth and Thorondir chat. A LOT. Vanyon's alive. And taunting Eight. In slightly familiar fashion, Aragorn returns. Jade gets a visit from Mouth. Then goes housepicking. Murray has fun with seafood. Eol spends his money wisely. Idril polishes things. Middle-Earth reels from the shock. Asphodel arrives, but declines to mention who she really is. Karl and Eomer say goodbye. Mouth wonders why he does what he does. Mouth finally gives in and kisses Thorondir. At least he's going about it a lot slower than Grima did. Uruk-haiku from Isengar. Tiger also returns. Jade moves. And plans a visit to Elfwine and Elphir. Firiel's brother Artamir arrives on the scene. Iorhael and Bingo arrive at Mount Doom. The ring is destroyed. Erendis and Grima have been married for a year. Isn't that more like a decade around here? Nadiyah and Halbarad make wedding plans. Oh, and rescue Gorlim from Angst of Magnitude Proportions. Firiel meets her brother. Overprotectedness, Gondorian style. Hani's rebellion is over. Cause, like, no one noticed. Celebel still thinks she's Queen of Rohan. While inaccurate, it gets her laid, and that's all that's important. Alcawyn/Gwathren letters. Gelmir needs something to do. He gets a nudge from Frey. Measse kills stuff. And shags Makar, of course Huan puts on a brave face. Tilion? Your puppy is ready. Ulassea decides to leave the lab. Probably a good idea, since Erendis wants her dead and all. Haleth doesn't have boobs anymore! Elrohir rejoices. Thorondir thinks he's making progress with Mouth. However, Mouth disagrees and uses his powers to remove Diri from his room. Gelmir decides to return to Minas Tirith. Hmm. Whatever could have brought this on?</sarcasm> Bingo muses about being the ideal. He also has a ring of power. Artamir meets Frey. As well as gets his first lesson on how bloody confusing and angsty Minas Tirith can be. Aeglos is enjoying his vacation. Belated congratulations to Nadiyah and Halbarad from Ecthelion. Esmerelda moves back to Tuckborough. Waterwatcher wonders if there is any vacation allowance in his (its?) nanny contract. Narya is worried. But Damien still loves his shiny. Arod has not been licked recently. This pleases him. Iorheal suffers from ringspell. He is cared for by Bingo, naturally, and then his mother shows up. Ecthelion is the favourite... ....which displeases the Balrog. Arvi is injured and attempts a truce with Helm until they're out of the hole. Helm reluctantly agrees. Noro wanders. So does Nienna, but in Mandos. Este gets a sense of foreboding. Mareke hums and makes tea. Akhoraphil wonders where her virgins went. Celebel tires of being Queen of Rohan. Eobob tries to get her to stay. Grima makes a to-do list. Talk to Mouth? Done. Celebel returns to Minas Tirith and runs into Artamir. Something tells me this boy's going to be popular. Firiel is pregnant! Gorlim offers some reassurance. Hani and Theo hang out looking at the stars. Theo still doesn't remember he's a ferret, which annoys Hani. Thorondir tries to kill Mouth. For the using of power thing. Firi thinks Theo is skinny. So does the rest of Arda. Beechbone frolics in the forest and admits her love for Telperien. Well, in strikeouts, but that still counts! Eol tests new weapons. Idril chats with Asphodel. Polishing does not appear to occur. Tiger has returned. And wants to know why pirate paraphernalia is all over the place. Gorlim brings breakfast for Nadiyah and Halbarad. Much Gorlim/Hal cuteness ensues. Rumil gets serious with the trees. Frey's son Brytta arrives. Frey's mun is amused and Hild is thrilled. Tilion wants his puppy. Mouth does a public service and clears the air around Minas Tirith of some of the angst. Likely a fruitless goal, but still, it's appreciated. Also, Thorondir removes Mouth's clothes, but finally agrees to stop trying to seduce him. Bingo frets over Iorhael. Iorhael fights the sickness. And there's a lot going on here that I really don't understand, about another Iorhael in another realm that he and Bingo need to go fight. Imrahil gets to work. Whatever keeps him out of trouble. Frey meets his son. I don't think this is quite what Frey expected. Guthlaf talks Hani into letting him bring her dinner. Which she thinks is just his way of saying thank you for her being nice to him. Nimloth has no idea what's going on. Dior fills her in. Eomer and Luthien have a chat. Eomer angsts about Karl leaving and Luthien does her best to comfort him. Firiel tells Frey she's pregnant. He's very understand and it's all cute and stuff. Helm and Arvi try to find their way out of the hole. Only to fall further down. Beware swans carrying weapons. Tarannon is still being oppressed by Rohirrim. But no way you're getting him to Minas Tirith. Hild is happy about the appearance of her grandson. She also declares herself in charge, since Helm is nowhere to be found. Artamir meets Hanild in the library. They have a nice conversation. Nothing untoward, nothing angsty. Might be a first. Isengar writes some letters. Jade gets a visitor. And it's not Mouth this time. Merin wakes up with Sin. So, like, did they do it? Sin wonders what he did right. Isengar writes a poem for Tiger. Lai gives Sil a massage. To take his mind off Rumil. Right. Trotter lives! Gwathren is beside herself with joy. HEY...if Alcawyn was there, she could actually do that. Tiger tries his hand at poetry. Glimdoron, back from Mandos, sings a song. He is a bard, after all. Gorlim searches for his father and his children. Thankfully they're together, which makes Gorlim's job all that much easier. Hani discovers Theo is serious about this courting business. She also meets her cousin/nephew/thingy Brytta. Melkie records the effects of his love potion. Adrahil has misplaced his swans. I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me... Angrim determines babies aren't very good lady-magnets. The kids agree. Deagol hasn't gotten his ransom yet. He rages so much he strains something. A bit belated, but Grima remembers his anniversary. Although he and Erendis have been celebrating for a week. Long-ass Haldir story post. Bottom line? He appears to be staying. Halbarad and Nadiyah pick out wedding invitations. The day before the wedding. But as Hal points out, this is MESPT. Rumil arrives in Minas Tirith. Hey, isn't he the Rumil who's Haldir's brother? This could be fun. Glimdoron is a radish. That's what happens when you don't pay attention to what Mandos Release Form you fill out. Lai tries to take his mind off Rumil. Next performance of the troupe is Aug. 10 in Minas Tirith, folks. Arathorn and Tobey share some leaf. Brytta's appearance intrigues Vanthene. Isengar worries about Iorhael and Bingo. Ulalume tells us something we already know. Tom "the Bomb" Bombadil raps. The swans make their way to Minas Tirith. Drogo wonders if a beauty parlor would be in order. Hal and Luthien chat and are overall just cute. Which is probably a good thing, cause Luthien really needs cheering up these days. Hal's getting married in the morning! Ok, later this afternoon. Just get him to the church on time! Firiel stops to smell the roses. Isengar discovers he doesn't smile. Hey, you and Frey both, man. Iorhael promises to make it a happy anniversary. Nadiyah prepares for her wedding. Until next time, folks. Please send in donations. Yours, The Sockpuppets cub reporter. Current Mood: cranky (12 informants | Give us a donation)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
10:35 pm	Oh yes, picking up where we left off. Seriously. Eight is still captured by Vanyon. Eol tries to be useful. Meanwhile, Feanor worries about giant spiders and how to kill them. Vanyon brings Firiel a present. It's Hald...er, Siledhel! This why you're supposed to assign "buddies" when vampire hunting. Ioreth has Mouth right where she wants him. And in what she wants him. Firiel laments finding out she didn't have to sleep with Vanyon. Live and learn, live and learn. Vanthene is happy. Is it just me, or is there something vaguely disturbing about evil being happy? Lokiel goes hunting. Though not vampire hunting. That's covered. Faramir 3 tells Denethor he loves him. Didn't work for Faramirs I or II. I don't think third time's the charm. Valacar finds Vi safe and sound. A note to all you significant others of pregnant wom..er, characters. They GLIDE, not waddle. Arvedui finds his vampire. Or, his flamethrower does, actually. Isengar hops on the pirate bandwagon. Or is that bandboat? Noro and Gorlim angst as only they can. Set before the vampire hunting, natch. Dai and Tifin are disgustingly cute. Ru disapproves and something tells me, all the way from camp, Zlot does too. Silinde returns to the troupe's camp after discovering he's pregnant. You know, there should be a warning label on all male elves about this. Bingo muses about...well, a lot of things. Isengar convinces Bingo and Iorhael (there are three of them?) to join the pirate craze and a hobbit cat shows up. Mouth glues a child-Ioreth to the ceiling. Three guesses how Ioreth feels about that. As previously mentioned, Ioreth is a child due to a presumably nasty lab accident. Guess she'll need parental supervision after this, hmm? XXX-Fitness. With Melkor, of course. Deagol has a moon lab! Ioreth is jealous. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK. A new ranger ranges around Ithilien. Halbarad is NOT happy. Personally, I think he's just jealous cause this ranger has nifty tights. Ulassea arrives at the lab and meets Erendis. Uh, I think this could get ugly. Ulalume wants to see Gorlim. Noro tries to soothe her, but appears to fail miserably. Eomer explains the vampire situation to Karl and arms him for battle. Karl gets a promise of an Eomer-bubble bath out of it. Sweet. Gilraen has a body! An appropriate choice given all the vampire talk of late. Yaban proves he's possibly not the smartest Easterling in the Balchoth, even though he's not in the Balchoth anymore. Three words: Fade to black. Seven feels the life within her. For a healer and Este's maia, Six is somewhat unprepared. Gwathren meets child-Ioreth. They play checkers. Would I make that up? Gorlim and Halbarad find Vanyon. It doesn't go well for Arda's resident Dynamic Duo. As usual. Eomer discovers the injured Gorlim and Hal. But considering what they've been through in the past, they're doing pretty good here. Six torments Yaban some more. Actually, "kills him and then brings him back to life and threatens to kill him again" is more like it. Poetry from Isengar. Theoden challenges Frey to make his life miserable. And Frey thinks Hani isn't the brightest star in the sky... Beechbone has fun in the forest. Idril does what she does best. Firiel takes Niphy and runs. Ok, she walks cautiously and meets up with Eomer. Saeros wonders about his brother. Gorlim and Hal make their way back up to the Quarters. Gorlim says something he's going to regret... Luthien vs Vanyon. We get to choose Gorlim's fate when he next sees Noro. Also, Nadiyah seems a little...pissed off. Dai and Tifin have dinner together. I think I just went into sugar shock. Voronwe heads to Alqualonde. Yaban decides it's time to leave camp. Lai doesn't want him to go, but does the Right Thing and doesn't interfere. Sin turns Gorlim into a Unicorn. ... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Gwathren and Thorondir are friends again. Sort of. Thorondir still thinks she's stupid and they find a beetle. Gorlim the Unicorn heals Halbarad. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. Gorlim does not find his present circumstances all that amusing. Hanild is not well. Gorlim the Unicorn heals her too. Handy, that. Everyone who's still down in the catacombs is reunited. Firiel and Niphy are alive, it's all very touching and moving, etc. Theo gets glomped, snuggled and kissed by Hani. Which is apparently proof that she's sane again. I can think of a few people who might disagree on that. ....but it's a full moon so: Ferret Theo! Vanthene is upset Hani was healed. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans... Isengar prepares for his pirating adventure. Isengar searches for Ruby Gamgee, but finds Primrose instead. Evil Frodo (you know, the one with the beard) advertises for a manservant. Tifin makes lists about Dai. So much angst, such a little mouse. Gorlim's father, Angrim, is alive. Alcawyn writes Gwathren a letter. She's also reunited with Menelsul. Rumil's paid account has run out. Gorlim the Unicorn prances about the courtyard. And meets his father. New puppet Guthlaf heads over to Minas Tirith. Because that's where all the action is. Hal saves Karl from Mith. But doesn't seem too happy about it. Firiel returns above-ground and meets up with ferret Theo. Who proceeds to lose his little mind when the concept of muns is introduced. Grima treats us to a picture of Mouth and child-Ioreth. Ulassea and Galmod make appearances. Iorhael makes some arrangements. Duilin continues to have nightmares about Balrogs and acquires a horse through somewhat dubious means. Firi enjoys snapped Theo ferret's company. After a proper one-year engagement, Salmar wants to start planning his wedding to Ruby. What will Tifin say? Iorhael gets into the pirate-spirit of things. Elrohir is nostalgic. Iorhael has fun with a pirate-name generator. Noro meets Gorlim the Unicorn and he accidentally stabs her in the stomach, then heals her. It never ends with these two, does it? Sin was only trying to help! Murray, the Jester of Gondor, tries to cheer him up. Gwathren and Grima have fun cutting up the new clone. Don't worry, it wasn't alive yet. Hani refreshes her memory. Guthlaf arrives and seems a wee bit interested in the resident Princess. Gorlim turns to the Dark Unicorn side. Meanwhile, Gorlim's mind goes off to places unknown. For now, anyway. Fangirl is pregnant and snarky. Hama, smart man, returns to Mandos. Iorhael ponders how to get a ship from his realm into MESPTs. A bit of Tom interplay occurs. Guthlaf is definitely interested in Hanild. This should be fun. Ulassea picks Thorondir's lock. Can't wait til she meets Ioreth. Isengar thinks he needs a muse. Sorry, but Iorhael's already taken. Thuringwethil takes off with Vanyon, Vanyon's head and Eight. Mareke and Yaban leave camp. Now that things have settled down again, Halbarad decides it's a good time to try and assassinate the King - again. Foiled by Eomer - again. Saruman and Ringwraith One play a rousing game of Go Fish. Adrahil sends in the swans. Off they go. Eomer would like all you MT angsters to settle down. Hal sulks, Gorlim's still out of his body and Luthien seems a little cranky. Hild resigns herself to a life in Gondor. Arvi goes from hunting vampires to hunting Rohirrim royalty. Eh, close enough. Isengar's got mail. Firiel returns to her room and takes a well-deserved nap. Quorin eats his mother's mun's soul. I'm sure Freud would have something to say about that. Nelys is gonna die. Binky is back and human. Fangirl loses all composure at his new look. The return of Jade. She scolds Hama and chats with Noro. Merin comforts Sin. Poor guy. you'd think most people would be grateful about being turned into a unicorn. Holfast visits Elanor in Valinor. Perrin is bored. Ully is no help here. The Way Things Are in the Realm. By Iorhael Baggins. Back to prison for Halbarad. Not as stealthy as he used to be, that one. Hani is lonely. Murray and Angrim keep her company. Frey finds Firi alive. She explains everything that went on with Vanyon. Frey takes it rather well. Nadiyah keeps Hal company in the dungeons. Gorlim and Hal meet in a dream. Cause when you've been ousted from your own mind, you might as well make others suffer along with you. Norolinde wonders what's going on. Melkor releases some new L&A videos to commemorate his one year anniversary. Also, it's NAKED DAY!!! Isengar composes a pirate song. Hani is happy to have met new people, but still doesn't know what the hell is going on. Nothing new there. Hild shames Helm by celebrating Naked Day. I think that was half the point for her. Luthien and Eomer share Naked Day together. Vanthene contemplates her current situation. Arvi continues to hunt the ever-elusive Helm. And gets an earful from Hanild. A History of Melkor. II. Firiel does not enjoy Naked Day. Maybe if she had Frey with her... Morwen is cold. And naked. Faramir 3 has lost his clothes. Melkor, naturally, approves. Jigglypuff would celebrate Naked Day, but is stuck in a box. Damien gets him a leash. Damien gets his Dad a present. something to do with women and swans. Melkor likes it, so I'm just going to use my imagination on that one. Polka dot curtains? What do you think? Rumil and Lai are both naked and they DON'T shag. Something's wrong here. Also, Lai admits he slept with Yaban. Gildor is naked. Seven arrives and offers him a deal. Dark Unicorn Gorlim meets Menelsul. A letter from Elrond II. Hal decides Gorlim needs help. Hey, Haldir's back to normal. Ungoliant attacks. ...and gloats. Eomer rushes to the aid of a spider-bitten Luthy. Bingo prepares to host Smeagol. Kevin worries he's not good enough for Isengar. Letters are exchanged. Pirates of Bywater Pond. Our newest J-rock Elf, Elemmakil, is not enjoying Naked Day. Cause he's surrounded by naked woman. Yep, male elf all right. Stay on guard, Wraith #4 is still around. Gorlim's mental spirit wanders through Halbarad's brain. ...that's just too easy... Rumil and Lai confuse each other. Melba Took's a dirty girl. Hal tries to track down Gorlim's Unicorn body. However, returns to the Quarters upon hearing of Luthy's condition. Rumil proposes to Lai. Well, that was unexpected. Lai turns him down. Hal arrives at Luthy's side to see what he can do to help. Haldir searches for athelas. It seems to do the trick, somewhat. LJ is a whore no kidding so we continue the Rumil/Lai thread here. Rumil says he understands why Lai said no to his proposal, but leaves after Lai falls asleep. Lai reacts to Rumil's absence. Idril leaves out a pot of tea. Gorlim is NOT going to snog Halbarad. Regardless of what the muns want. Isengar and Kevin have their second date. Good luck, you crazy kids! Tilion is still here. And is lonely and cryptic. Iorhael and Bingo discuss their future. Gorlim starts to forget. Haldir tries to help him remember. Firiel wants some company. Murray obliges. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand just for the record, Halbarad won't be snogging or be snogged by Gorlim either. We here at Sockpuppets are not convinced. Luthien awakens, but can't feel her legs. Don't worry, I'm sure Eomer will feel them enough for her. Asphodel is alive and Elfy. Idril makes a pot of tea for Lai. Halbarad sleeps and has an encounter with Gorlim. The latter's memory is still fading, so Hal does what he can to keep it going. Dark Unicorn Gorlim paces the walls of Minas Tirith. Menelsul is still unhappy about the whole thing. Beechbone spends time with the trees. Wynnie goes off into the void. Huan and Eomer lament. Tifin and Dai go kiwi hunting. A possible scandal about Dai's past is hinted at. Beruthiel misses us all. We miss her too. Menelsul and Dark Unicorn Gorlim fight. Hani meets Firi, who isn't dead, in the kitchens. Hal instructs Mith to find Gorlim. Haldir follows after Hal and Mith. they interrupt the equine fight, and in the ensuing chaos, Hal cuts off Dark Unicorn Gorlim's horn, and he returns to his human self. Bingo recaps his pirating adventures and time spent with Iorhael. Frealaf gives us the good and bad news. Eomer and Huan are having a bad day. Gorlim, Hal etc return to the Quarters. where they're greeted by Nadiyah and Firiel. Luthy can't get to a crying Niphy. A wandering Hanild offers some help. Mim isn't naked anymore. Am I the only one thinking that's a good thing? Thuringwethil tends to a still-captive Eight. Hey, at least he's not drowning every night now. Halbarad tells the world he and Nadiyah are engaged. Gorlim returns to Noro, who thinks he's really dead and is seeing an apparition. 10 bucks says they'll NEVER be happy. Gorlim falls asleep. A debate ensues about what one-month old infants can and can't do. Arvi isn't naked anymore either. Although his armour has been replaced with a hula skirt. Hanild is still unsupportive of his trying to oust her father from the throne. Noro finds Gorlim and Ully and gives him a ring. They might SEEM happy, but mark my words, it won't last. And for the love of all that's holy...I'M DONE. Please send in donations. Yours, The Sockpuppets cub reporter. Current Mood: relieved (6 informants | Give us a donation)
Friday, July 11th, 2003
12:39 am	This time, we DO pick up where we left off. Because I have that much time on my hands. Vanyon basks in attention. I think he was seriously neglected as a child. Faramir 3 has lost his pookie. Denethor wonders where he went wrong. Torching this one might be a step in the right direction. Morwen entertains us with drunken tongue-twisters. Not THAT kind, you lot. Nelys is less than thrilled with the return of Melkor I into her life. Of course, it's all Glorfie's fault. Rogue plots to become the next Queen of Gondor. It's a small matter of killing her father and marrying his look-alike. All in a day's work. Glorfie runs down the latest goings-on with the Cele-Glorf family. Yes, Glorfie, this is your life. Arvedui prepares to fight the vampire. Vanyon seems less than worried. Thuringwethil returns to Minas Tirith. A polite conversation with Vanyon ensues. Gwathren figures out how to stop Trotter from killing cute and innocent animals. But only for a while. Eol also needs to work on his aim. Bela and Broosh go exploring. They find something, naturally, and Bela drinks it, causing Glorfie to have a conniption. Lobelia S-B, Queen Mayor of the Shire, calls a general meeting. Special Guest Appearance by Samwise. Glorfie has ducks! It is also discovered that Bela is pregnant and Celeborn gets his gun. Zak is having the best day. Cause, you know, ducks. Theoden finds a Gildor in his travels. They get re-acquainted by sharing stores about who gets beaten up the most, and shagging in strikeouts. Greenwald finally remembers how to turn into a dwarf. But can he turn back into a ring? Feanor stops another Jacques escape attempt. Thwarted again. Binky realizes his son is a mule. Fangirl rejoices. Death does...something. I'm thinking it has to do with Asphodel's death, but I could be wrong. Florence reacts to the recent happenings in Rivendell. It's all about the ducks and cupcakes. The plastic gang goes on vacation. Don't forget to write! Arvi makes a to-do list. Rogue picks out her engagement ring. I'd have gone with #7 myself. Jade makes Mouth some tea. Mouth reminds us how dirty the out of doors is. Merin questions LJ's icon choices after his paid account runs out. Sin offers to buy him a new one. Vanyon takes on Arvi. A slight setback for Arda's horniest vampire. Arvi gloats about his partial victory. Frey is less than impressed. Ruby Gamgee as The Littlest Vampire. Rosie's somewhat confused about it all and Bingo's a great sport. Grima's getting better. And Erendis returns to the lab. Rogue sets her plan in motion. It's a bad day for people with strange coloured hair all 'round. Iorhael's having nightmares. Comfort from Bingo helps. Arvi officially proposes to Rogue. He also requests that Trotter not be recloned for a while. Ioreth will consider this, for a price. Gwathren is lost in Minas Tirith. Helm offers some help. Eomer is hungry. He and Haldi...er, Siledhel head to the kitchens for some grub. Hani gets used to being a new mom. Helm meets Alcawyn and fins Greenwald. I think we have a very confused King of Rohan. Not that that's new or anything... Vanthene is still alive and plotting. Eol sends out wedding gifts. Arvi is pleased. Helm and Eight encounter the demon dwarven ring. Hani and Eight also vehemently disapprove of Helm adopting a clone. Hild wants to go home. I'm sure her family wouldn't mind if she left them behind. Mareke won't leave Yaban alone. Even though he asks her to. Several times. Alcawyn visits Gwathren at the Houses of Healing. It's a regular Julia Stiles-fest. Celeborn tries to keep it together. I don't think it's working. Apartment 406 presents Voronwe: After Gondolin. Yaban and Lai chat. Yaban admits what happened to him and Lai tells us about his childhood. Helm is also anxious to go home. Seven is back - and she's pissed off. Six is little comfort and almost gets his wrist broken for it. Idril cleans. And generally keeps away from anyone who's currently angsting. Tough job, that. Celeborn kills Bela. Zak is overjoyed. Eru is bored, kidlets. This is never a good sign. Rain, lightning, etc. Bela gets an obituary. Cause the management felt like it, dammit. Yaban takes cover from the rain. In Lai's tent. Brilliant plan. Lai misses Rumil. Even though he has Yaban sharing his tent. Jacques, undeterred, makes another attempt to escape Feanor. Florence mourns Bela. In protest, he packs his stilettos and leaves. Voronwe has new icons. Tolman reappears! As does that blue elf thing. I am once again disturbed. Cirdan smiles. Gil-Galad taunts Middle Earth. An adorable Feana thread follows. Fastred is back. And still not tan. Isengar reads some poetry and is overall lonely. Guess things didn't work out with Kevin. Broosh goes off to find Bela in Mandos. Moral here, kids, is that Canon is dangerous. Bela is dead and pregnant with his father's baby. Sadly, I didn't flinch once while typing that. Hani take the opportunity of remaining in Gondor to see if she can find out anything about her missing friends. Coincidently, Norolinde shows up with a still unconscious Gorlim. Mareke worries about Yaban. He's fine, really. In a tent with Lai. Noro decides to take our advice get Gorlim in out of the storm. Arvi make some demands on the non-Gondorians currently residing in the Quarters. Noro and Hani politely comply. Vanyon leaves a "present" for Luthien in Firiel's room. Let the fun begin. Yaban returns to his own tent. It is revealed that Mareke doesn't much like Lai. Theo returns to Gondor. Gildorless, and probably a good thing, too. Frey finds the dismembered hand in Firiel's room. He retains his stoic composure, mind you. Erendis wonders about the new clone. Ioreth lets on that it's a new Arwen to go along with Trotter. Or drive him crazy. Eomer thinks he knows what's going on. Frey brings him up to speed on the dead-Firi situation. Halbarad is imprisoned and bored. He threatens to sing if his boredom continues. We say get someone up there RIGHT NOW. Beechbone enjoys the rain. Idril rescues the troupe's costumes from the storm. Vanthene is back in Minas Tirith and is jealous of all Vanyon's fun. But she has a plan of her own, apparently. HAVE YOU SEEN OUR GAAVS??? Eol fries up some Rohirrim. Arvi is rather impressed and commissions some vampire-specific weaponry. Haldi...er, Siledhel finds Eomer intimidating. Well, in an overgrown puppy kind of way, yeah, I guess he is. Vanyon leaves more presents for Arvi and Frey. If by "presents" you mean "body parts". Frey discovers Firi's remains. Stoically, of course. Arvi shows a little emotion at finding Firi's other hand and prays to the Valar. Eru seems unimpressed and Mandos offers to give the girl a form. Mareke leaves Yaban a note and sneaks off to town. Gorlim wakes up. Eomer fills him in on the Halbarad situation and Noro brings in the twins. Hild is unfazed by news of Firi's passing. Frey tries to find out if she had anything to do with it. Naturally, Hild lies through her teeth. Halbarad is still bored. Gorlim finds him and cuteness occurs...until Eomer shows up and ruins their fun. Silinde plots revenge on Lai and Rumil. Possibly Gildor too. But he is cheered up by the acquiring of sunglasses. Hani loses her marbles. That Theo's a lucky man. Perrin, now an infant and no longer a talking fetus, is confused because people like Gorlim. Ulalume, the other formerly talking fetus, does not appear surprised. Eight decides to flee Minas Tirith. Vanyon nips that in the bud. Telperion has fun in the rain. Theo makes sure Gram is taken care of. Mim is lonely and searches for Gimli. Just warn Tarannon before hand this time, hmm? Ecthelion is very busy. The return of Jareth the goblin. Theo writes letters to his father and his husband. It's a touching father-son moment. Arvi dons his battle-with-a-vampire gear. Vanyon leaves one last gift for Frey. Cause he's right. Her heart really does belong to him. Perrin likes Eomer. Or is it just the helmet? Luthien takes stock of things. Still crazed Hani meets Frey. Understandably, he has far less patience with this than Theo did. Eomer leaves Haldi...er, Siledhel to go check on Luthien. Very Special Guest Appearance by Faramir II. More Gorlim/Halbarad cuteness. They finally get a room and sleep together. Ok, they actually sleep, but still. Isengar and Bingo have a chat. Ully warms up to Gorlim. Noldor as you've never seen them before! Ok, you probably have. Alcawyn takes Gwathren back to the Quarters to meet her family. Gwathren teaches her how to play tag along the way. Erendis visits Thorondir. Beware women bearing chocolate chip cookies. Vanyon kidnaps Niphredil. Do I sense a smiting coming on? Firi's not dead! And we thought Kielle was tricky... Luthien discovers Niphy is missing. Eomer gets a bit more intimidating. Vanthene convinces crazy-Hani to drink something to help her get better. Poor thing believes her. Ioreth works too hard. But she's finished with Gilraen and has coffee to celebrate. Thorondir thinks he's the prettiest. Several puppets disagree. Mareke returns to camp. And with a slightly new look. A note from Plastic Merry. They remembered! Eomer frees Halbarad to track Vanyon. A search party gathers. Nothing like an angst plot to bring the people of Minas Tirith together. Frey decides to forgo the search party and search on his own. Bit of a social outcast, that one. Gorlim and Halbarad arm themselves for vampire battle. Nieliqui has a new friend. Hild still wants to go home. Something tells me that just ain't gonna happen. Noro is bored and in the dark. Gorlim leaves her a less than informative note. Dior goes to join the search party. New puppet Ulassea looks up the lab in the Yellow Pages and heads on over. Ioreth asks that she not disclose how easy they really are to find. Glorfie searches for Broosh. See kids? Canon dangerous. A clearly alive Firiel protects Niphy from Vanyon. By offering to sleep with him. Yeah, that'll go over well. A newly revived Gwathren is back in the lab. She begs Ioreth to revive Trotter too, but Ioreth doesn't budge. With Mith's help, Halbarad and Gorlim track Vanyon. An impatient Luthien heads off to find Vanyon on her own. Cause, hey, he left directions. Gwathren meets up with Thorondir. Things don't go well. After deciding he's never going to get out of Gondor, Helm declares himself King. Again. And in a move he'll likely live to regret one way or another, he makes Hild an advisor. Yaban doesn't like Mareke's new haircut. Or her idea of getting a house and settling down. Nieliqui draws a picture. And another one. Which prompts a visit from Ungoliant. Arvi looks forward to kicking vampire ass. The Draugluin story continues... *Is intrigued* And that's that, folks. Please send in donations. Yours, The SockPuppets cub reporter Current Mood: working (2 informants | Give us a donation)
Monday, July 7th, 2003
1:32 am	STORM ENGULFS ARDA Have you seen our missing Gaavs? We here at Sockpuppets are distressed to report that a freak gale has sucked up eight of our Gaavs, leaving us without anyone to cover our Rivendell section. Then a copy machine exploded. We here at Sockpuppets are Not Amused. A photo of the continuing storm: And our poor missing Gaavs: (1 informant | Give us a donation)
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
4:21 am	AN OBITUARY CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT - the management Today we mourn Bela Starudst. Friend. Brother. Countryman. Actually, he was a fucking psycho who spent some time looking like Draco Malfoy but he was a lovely little thing that often ogled his sister's chest and lived in a tent with Claude. We here at Sockpuppets think it was a my little pony one. Shot 38 times in the chest by his mother, Bela left us at sometime in July or it might be June as we here at Sockpuppets can't be fucked to even know what month it is. It better not be august. He is survived by his parents, four siblings, a chinchilla named Severus and various grandparents. And his uncle with whom he slept with. We shall miss Bela, who was with his father's child at the time of his death. His parents have washed his blood off the walls and have started anew, obviously reeling with the loss of their youngest son. (1 informant | Give us a donation)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
12:33 am	We pick up our story nowhere near where we left off. But we're updating, so I think that makes up for it. Or something. Hanild delves into depression after her son is kidnapped. Frey tries to bully her out of it. Good man. Firiel worries about Hanild. Cause that's just the kind of friend Firi is. Helm continues the search for Vanthene. And is being led by Theo!ferret on a leash made of string. There's an image for you. Gorlim is weary forever and ever of being brave. Something to do with the soulbond with Halbarad, as Halbarad is being restrained and beaten by Eomer for attempting to assassinate the fake Aragorn. Bottom line folks? Gorlim's out of it. Firiel leads the gang back into Minas Tirith. Hani and Frey continue arguing. I think Firiel ignores them, which is probably for the best. Vanyon tries to convince Luthien to come to the dark side. Strangely enough, she refuses. Laiqalasse suggests an extended vacation in Dol Amroth. Rumil acts like himself, but seems to agree. Karl, Eomer and Luthien have a chat. Cause it's just such a good idea to have all three of them in the same place at the same time. Really. Ecthelion begins his quest to save Arwen's sparkly dresses from uncertain doom. Sadly, Arvedui has already sold them. Anvanime teases Saeros. Is it just me, or are blue elves somewhat disturbing? Groin is Ulmo's pet. Life is good. Nadiyah makes her way back to Minas Tirith. And she means business. Florence revels in the joy that is a paid account. The wrong person gets thanked, but an edit saves the day. Firiel goes off in search of her ex-husband. She thinks this will help her made up her mind as to whether or not she should go to Rohan with Frey. We pray Frey never finds out. Yaban gets abducted by Six. Unaware, Mareke feels abandoned. Elfwine explains his wily ways of dealing with invading Rohirrim. Erchi objects to having been offered up as a rape victim and Erendis bonds with her husband's ex-husband. Mouth continues fleeing the lab. Vanyon attempts to eat him, but Mouth convinces him he's not nearly appetizing enough. Erchirion gets stuck in a tuba. Elphir is surprisingly little help. Six and Seven toy with Yaban. Este says, making someone think they've been raped is just as bad as doing it. Eomer takes an angst break and a quiz. He gets himself as a result. Theoden gets himself as well, but as there is no mention of ferrets, we here at Sockpuppets declare the results void. Laiqalasse finds Yaban returned near camp. In grand MESPT tradition, Yaban represses what happened and refuses to admit anything to Lai. Alone and lost, Mareke considers how to pay for room and board. Thankfully, she is rescued by Lai's cousin before her mun gets any bright ideas. Hild decides it might be best to start paying attention to what's going on around her. Helm agrees. Silinde is sick. Lai comforts him and there's a lot of small font talk. Apparently still keeping tabs on things from vacation, Elrond II throws a small hissy-fit. Also, Glorfie and Celeborn bring the brood to Imladris. Ioreth reacts to Mouth being missing. ...by immersing herself in her work. Thorondir searches for a missing book and is mean to Gwathren. Apparently, Diri and Thren aren't friends anymore. Hanild feels guilty about losing her son within 24 hours of him being born. Frey is, as usual, no help and Ancalagon offers up his palantir to the cause. Erendis wakes up with a hangover and meets Elphir. Elfwine to the rescue. Namuras explains his dislike of Gorlim to Norolinde. The kids don't seem to keen on him either. Eight is stuck in a closet somewhere in the Steward's Quarters. Heh. Gwathren laments life as the newest clone. It's like being the new kid at school and no one likes you. Then Trotter shows up and takes her for a swimming lesson. Elfhelm has an icon. RUN, AROD, RUN! Wynnie is bored. Firiel and Arvedui share a bittersweet goodbye. I fully endorse a Firi/Arvi/Frey triangle. Kevin, our resident cave troll, worries that he is not good enough for Isengar. You just gotta go for it, Kevin. Mareke and Yaban are reunited. Yaban gets fussed over and Mareke wants revenge on someone. Time's up for Asphodel. Courtesy of Seven. Lai discovers Asphodel's fate and gets Seven where he wants her. Gildor admits Seven's baby is his and Six saves the day - well, for him and Seven. Plastic Sam and Plastic Frodo get it on. I'll admit, I don't really follow the adventures of our plastic friends, but apparently it's rather good. Iorhael returns. Bingo is, understandably, overjoyed. Isengar prepares for a date. With who is a mystery. He receives encouragement from Bingo and Melba. Lai laments the death of Asphodel. Rumil is less than sympathetic. Rumil's life has turned into a Rohirric soap opera. Do Rohirrim have soap, let alone soap operas? Tifin is back and in human form. And apparently in the mood for some loving. Tuns out Isengar's date is with Kevin the Cave Troll. Way to go Kevin!! We knew you could do it. Six annoys Seven, as only Six can. Contrary to popular belief, Varda is NOT dead. Neither's Vana. just for the record. Lai attempts to convince Silinde of the obvious. Sil isn't buying it. Rumil, the OTHER Rumil, wakes up Saeros. Saeros think she has a crush on the OTHER Rumil, who henceforth, shall be Ruru. Anvanime shows up and they discuss reading. I think. The blue elf disturbs me and I got distracted. More Plastic adventures. The gang talks to Abandonada and apparently throw Eomer at her mercy. Brilthor and Florence head to Rivendell. Florence is teased into thinking they're going to Disneyland first, though. G-g has picturrific new userinfo. This prompts the return of Elanor and Feana, albeit likely only briefly. Beechbone learns of Asphodel's death. Helm and ferret!Theo catch up with Vanthene. The baby is recovered but I have a sneaking suspicion Vanthene is really ticked off. Eomer is confused. He also provides proof that those golden retriever comments are not groundless. Hanild can't figure out how to work the palantir. Firiel gets Hani to open up about her feelings. Theo and Wulf are discussed, probably in the opposite context than they should be. Story post from Haldir. We get an explanation as to why he was so brutally treated by the Rohirrim. Helm returns to Minas Tirith with Gram, and a now human Theo. He also agrees to help Firiel ward of Hild. Good luck with that. Bingo recounts the most recent goings-on in his life. Theo returns Gram to Hanild, who acts less than grateful. Ok, let's face it, she acts like a bitch. Back in her own room, Hani reassures baby Gram. Bela's all grown up. Or is that still growing? Broosh too, it seems. After a rather bad start, Hani and Theo sort of work things out. It's also determined that Theo loves her. Awww. Idril talks her way out of the mental institution. The silver fetish still remains. Eol needs something evil to do. Arvedui hires him as the royal assassin. Smart. Eomer watches over a recovering Haldir. Six loses Gildor. Seven's so gonna kick his ass. Meanwhile, Gildor rejoices in his freedom. He decides it's better not to go back to camp, you know, where people could help him. Mim needs love. Gimli obliges. As reported earlier, Vana is NOT dead either. So no cloning, fuckwads. Nieliqui contemplates running away to live with Uncle Ulmo the Second. Vana thinks Nienna's a better choice. New Nienna wouldn't mind, really. Fresh out of the Rohirric concentration camp, Tarannon is forced to deal with amorous dwarves. Personally, I think he should be grateful they were being amorous towards each other and not him. Snowmane's vapidity continues. Hild meets Frey. I think it goes rather well, considering he didn't kill her. Arthur gives us news. Sadly, it is revealed that the elusive Ann Larimer has NOT been caught on camera. Celeborn and crew enjoy their stay in Rivendell. Elrond II approves of their presence, and of Celeborn's obsessive cleanliness. Vanyon leaves Luthien a present. I WANT ONE. Elrond II explains away the Mysterious Pregnant Woman from Arwen's post. Ann Larimer offers invaluable advice on how to deal with her. Firiel returns an old gift to Arvedui and they really, really say goodbye this time. I'm not fooled. This isn't over yet, mark my words! Eight is found by Helm, who brings him sandwiches and juice. Cause you know, you get really hungry after spending a week or so trapped in a closet. Apparently, Zak Stardust really, really hates her younger, but bigger siblings. The pet maggot creates some problems, too. Hild "suggests" to Vanyon that he take Firiel as a playmate. Gotta love a mother who'll do anything to make sure her son has nothing but the best! Helm takes stock of everyone he cares about. Hey, Hild's on the list! Haldir goes multiple personality on us. Or something like that. Again, Eomer gets to deal with it all. Better him than me, I tell you. Luthien decides to keep her gift and will train it in no time, I bet. Eomer hopes it will eat her pet orc. Damn, Luthien gets all the cool pets. Voronwe has no idea what's going on, but is easily distracted by flowers. An Uruk-Haiku, courtesy of Isengar Took. Isengar bids farewell to Tiger. Trotter heads back to Gondor. I think he also scars Gwathren for life by killing a bunny in front of her and then making her eat it. Vanyon attacks Firiel. She's found by Luthien, Arvedui and Frey. The latter two are actually civil to each other. Go figure. Arvedui meets Luthien and commissions her to train her new pet as an attack lizard. He also deals with the threat of Trotter. If Rivendell blows up, it isn't Arvedui's fault. Just for the record. Vampire Hunter Arvi D. Mouth is lost. He ponders going to see Jade in Mandos and then heading back to the lab. Elfwine considers letting Erendis deal with Elphir. He decides against it, though. Erendis decides to go back to the lab as well. Wooo, the gang will all be there soon enough! Norolinde wants Gorlim to wake up. Getting him out of that forest and back to civilization would be a good idea, too. Remember folks, it's my first report and I never claimed to be funny, so please be gentle. Yours, the Sockpuppets cub reporter Current Mood: accomplished (12 informants | Give us a donation)
Thursday, June 12th, 2003
6:22 pm	I HAD OPINIONS THAT DIDN'T MATTER, I HAD A BRAIN THAT FELT LIKE PANCAKE BATTER--sorry. NEWS! Not exactly picking up from where we last left off, because I am a lazy bum, but I'm sure I'll suffer enough wading through a mere 150 posts. I MISS MY BOSS. Anyway. Hanild frets about her mislaid friends, and Rogue is spectacularly unhelpful. I think these two make a better couple than Hanild/Theoden, but I'll keep that thought to myself (read: put it here for our entire readership to see). Halbarad, Nadiyah, and Gorlim tend to their wounds. Of course, Halbarad the Bereft of Hat needs to be WRESTLED TO THE GROUND before they can even see if he's hurt. The cutest part is when Halbarad and Gorlim use their bond to ANGST IN TANDEM. Awwwwwwww. (Side note. I love Nadiyah. I love her. She's so cute, and the way she speaks, and how she's all tough--YAY NADIYAH!) Seven does some fascinating things with a young girl's corpse. This is art, she says, but I bet she'd make an interesting chef as well. Gwindor and Beleg ponder why the fairest of all the Children of Iluvatar is attracted to a smelly round-eared mortal. Beats me too, guys. Oh, and Eomer holds himself accountable for Aragorn's death, Gondor's fall to the Rohirrim, and probably all three Kinslayings. Poor little lamb. Thorondir kisses Trotter, who is all "yo, you tryin' to set me up, bitch?" but he isn't and Thorondir is like "you be trippin', Trotter" and storms off. And if Trotter is mean to my Thorondir again I will kill him, I will kill him AND John for good measure, and then I will kill Gwathren just to seal the deal. Bela has a fun-filled day of having darts expertly thrown at his 'nads by Jade. I love that kid. Gorlim angsts on a level heretofore only known by Frodo Gardner, Gwindor, and Nienor just before she jumped off the cliff. He is quite convinced Norolinde is dead. Anyway, they're all going to the North to find the Dunedain, and I guess Halmir is there too to offer wisdom in a Scottish accent in a way that reminds me of that guy in Gettysburg. Uh. Rumil of Tirion is back! Not to be confused with Rumil the Gwyneth Paltrow Lookalike, or Rumil the Vainest Elf This Side of the Anduin, Celeborn Excluded. Rumil announces his presence, and Feanor and Eol bitch at each other like two catty housewives. Long and Arda Productions presents a new film, proving that even Ungoliant's large, shapely, luscious breasts are evil. Our Sockpuppets movie critic gave it 3 1/2 stars, calling it the feel-good movie of the Sixth Age, a corker that the whole family will enjoy. Tifin angsts and throws herself mousily at Dairuin, and NO I AM NOT JEALOUS, SHUT UP. *pines* Lai Explains the Facts of Homosexuality to You. 'You' being Yaban, who I adore, by the way. The conversation has little point as Lai is about as male as Isildur's knockers. In my opinion. Elrond II carries on the proud tradition of Elrondish Plagiarism by altering Mrs. Dalloway for his own purposes. It's funny, if you're into that sort of thing (ie, reading). Norolinde wakes up in the Lab of Misfit Clones with Namuras. Haha, sorry, Norolinde! No suicide for youuuuu! Feanor heads to Pelargir to find yet another Silmaril. I think he has a crush on the teenaged girl one anyway. If so, ick. Helm tries to sneak off to Gondor by himself but ends up leaving with his sister, his boyfriend, and probably half his cleaning staff for all I know. Feanor catches up with another silmaril, Jacques, who goes with him after quite a lot of what I believe can only be aptly described as 'airy persiflage.' Jacques looking very hot, by the way. Yeah. Idril is stalked by Tuor II. I think it's kind of cute but I have the feeling she doesn't see things like I do. Nenya senses the harm done to her beloved Jacques--a frying pan over the head, in case you were curious--and goes to find him. Seven, uh, is mean to children and cute little Six. I bet she hates puppies too. I LOVE YOU SIX. :) hehealscutehobbitchildrenawww. I rarely understand lab posts, mostly because I am a flawed character, but I am just going to assume that Grima fucked Trotter and call it a night on this one. FETUSES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK AND THAT IS FINAL. Dai and Ru find a bloody sword and bits of Norolinde's dress. This is the perfect moment to start drawing conclusions. KILL GORLIM. ;) Ungoliant gets interested in the third silmaril, apparently just for the hell of it. Oooh, Feanor vs. Ungolly showdown. I smell Pay Per View. He's Pip Daddy, yes he's the real Daddy, all you other Pip Daddies are just imitating, etc. OMG HE'S BACK! Riddle me this, Idril... The Superfriends--Ru, Dai, Hani, Firi, and Tif--decide on a course of action re: the bloody dress, sword, etc. And Dai cries. AWWWWW. I have no fucking idea what this Akhoraphil thing is, but I'm intrigued. Hot pictures of Idril 2.0. The comments on this post, however, are so disturbing that I needed to shove a wet nap into my ear in order to clean my poor brain. An innocent (HAHA) post by CreepyBri initiates Day 1 of Elrond II's labor. Oh boy. Anyway, the word of the day is 'pain.' Frey proposes to Firiel and is turned down. Rightly, because he was being a male chauvinist piglet. Modern women don't want to be treated like possessions, blah blah, up against the wall when the revolution comes, blah. Theo asks Hanild if he can court her and is effectively shut down. Eek. Frigid alert! Time to fuck Rogue. (I CAN DREAM!) Rogue and Celebel decide to take over Rohan while no one's watching. This plan is fully endorsed by Sockpuppets, by the way. We like to see young, powerless princesses with initiative. Ann Larimer, may her name be praised by choirs angelic, is hired as Elrond's midwife. Earwen and Fingolfin, for some uneruly reason, are also dispatched to Imladris to 'help.' Elrond I spazzes out with excitement and flirts with Ann Larimer (may the nations kneel before her sacred feet) while II writhes in pain. Awww, such a caring fiancee. AAAAAAAANGSTT!!! Firi is confused and sad about Frey and the angst continues, yay! I love angst, by the way. It's fun. :) I love angst. It's fun. 2 plus 2 equals 5. We obey our master, Kielle. I love angst. It's fun. ;) The best part of this post is the realization that Bingo likes to sing Abba songs. Beleg and Gwindor forcibly bathe Eomer and Middle-earth FUCKING CHEERS!! The air smells better as far away as Mithlond, boys. Gorlim and Halbarad take turns talking and tickling each other. WILL YOU TWO JUST FUCK ALREADY?! Isengar asserts that hobbits are not for eating. On behalf of Sockpuppets and our dearly departed Thomomir, I beg to differ. Rumil of T. watches grass grow. We've got a live wire on our hands, everyone. Elladan learns to fly. We are informed that it's a matter of throwing yourself at the ground and missing. Day 2 of Elrond II's labor. The strain is starting to show on I. Perhaps he is realizing natural childbirth is not at all natural when the patient IS A MAN. Ahem. It's a brand-new first draft child of Fingolfin! Do you smell that? Do you? I love the smell of abuse in the morning. Gorlim is visited in a dream by Norolinde. What a nightmare. Only joking. Ha ha. Um. Seven cutely asks her daddy if he could possibly get a riding crop for his wittle girl so she can beat the living daylights out of Six. Bunch of freaks, I tell you. Tifin angsts and looks for Gorlim or Norolinde. She pretends she's still pining after him, but she's totally after Dai and she knows it. >_< Firiel and Frey, in the midst of war and uncertainty, find time for good old-fashioned schmoop. Aww. WOO, LOBELIA AND MIRABELLA IS GONNA LITIGATE! (I love Lobelia. She's so evil looking. I think her icons are of Castillo or something from Xena.) Arakano, the warrior pansy! (Quote: "It probably started when I went to Tulkas' grow-season camp in Valinor. I wanted to be a man, and I wasn't quite yet...and now that I look back on it, there was entirely too much teenage 'warrior-bonding' going on. " *dies*) I think Idril might be addicted to silver polish. Lai (who is indeed decidely feminine today) and Rumil play games after--get this--Rumil has a bad dream about being a VIAGRA SPOKESMAN. I'm not positive he'll ever need Viagra. Not because he's an elf, but because I have serious doubts as to his OR Lai's 'Magnums.' Day 3 of Elrond's labor. Fingolfin has not axed anyone to bloody death yet, so I guess we should all be thankful. Also there seems to be a lot of heroin about. Celandine and Uruviel decide to go to Tuckborough. Evie is tarnished from Arwen's incessant grieving. Aeglos is disgusted. I am disgusted. There is no excuse for letting the symbol of your immortality that is not actually your immortality go to hell just because your husband was brutally killed by a large, hairy guy from Rohan. Arakano is seeking a job, everyone. Awww, that's novel. ;) And look, he's willing to do male bonding! You might want to check with Eomer. Now that's someone who really goes in for all that warrior-bonding stuff, if you follow me. Feanor catches up with the last silmaril. I think he has a crush on this one too, between you and me. Which is odd because it keeps calling him 'Daddy.' Silinde is put upon, stalked, and looking for Del. I swear that hobbit gets more play from elves than I do. Grr. Pip Daddy declares himself the Mayor, Shiriff, Thain, and Grand Poobah of the Shire. Ha. Ahaha. Watch out for Lobelia. This post and thread are completely comprised of girltalk. This is endearing. They just need Rogue, Nadiyah, and a drenched Eomer to complete things. Idril is stalked by our new Tuor even further. She pulls a knife on him too. Wow. Duilin, aka MY NEW FAVORITE PUPPET, wakes up to find a whipped cream Balrog on his chest. Kinky. Voronwe fucks no less than four people. He's Arda's equivalent of the Energizer Bunny. Nienor still loves Michael J. Fox, awww. Frey and Firiel tell Hanild that they are now engaged (hey! congratulations, kids!), though she doesn't seem particularly enthused about it. The Great Frick wants a real mutant. SO MOTE IT FUCKING BE. And I shall eat it in a delicious soup, amen. We have a Lady Haleth! The chick one from the Silmarillion, not the TTT one that just sort of looked like a girl. (Side note: All Drew jokes aside, when I saw that Haleth creature in the film, I did think it was a girl. I thought Aragorn took its sword from it because it had sneaked out to fight with the men. You know like Eowyn should have, ahahaha Iamsuchasadthing.) Theodhale has a new mun! (I'm sorry, John, but I'm going away. ;) Gildor and Lai brazenly flirt. They'd make a good couple, yo. Just being around the very, very male Gildor has a good effect on Lai, who is about as masculine-seeming as it's ever been since his inception. Oh, and Lai gives Rumil a beryl stone that will keep him safe from sadomasochistic wraiths etc. Morwen has a new mun and a freshly imagined cold. Word on the street--that is, from the lying-on-the-street-close-to-death contingent--is that Gorlim and Halbarad left the city heading north. Well, I could have told them that. Tifin angsts and flirts with Dairuin. Anyone else sensing a pattern? ;) Day, uh, 4? of the Elrond labor. Earwen has been driven out of Imladris by II's whining. Meanwhile, he alternates howling in pain with playing UNO with I. Elladan is finally going in the right direction towards home. I'm not sure he really should go home, however. There is a foul plot afoot, plus a lot of yelling for more heroin. Gwindor acts cutely embarrassed about female!naked!Eomer, awwww. And Eomer acts like an annoyed, wet cat. It reminds me of his sister, actually. Eomer continues his little irritable routine, which sort of reminds me of how my cats behave after I bring them home from the vet. They go into the corners and yowl at me like I am the reason the world is going to hell in a handbasket. That's Eomer for you. Theodhale is a little behind the times re: the new management of Rohan and so forth. (I think Eomer was in charge, and then Eowyn, and then Theodred, and then Helm. Ahahaha. Not your usual succession.) Eol has a new mun (and I miss him already!) and is already starting to look for random people to bother. No more poisoned javelins, y'hear? Tolman has a new mun too. He was the hardest one to give up of all. ;_; Hanild cries herself to sleep after hearing about Frey and Firi's engagement. I didn't expect this, honestly. Does she have a crush on Firiel? Ooooh. Intrigue! Our old pal Glorfie Stardust rips off Douglas Adams in glorious fashion. The new Theodhale is feisty. Wow. Elfhelm licks a horse, thereby reminding all the little Middle-earthean children to NEVER DO DRUGS EVER. Like a walking PSA. Ew, horse cooties. Um. KARAOKE! Hey, it was fun. :P Don't miss the Elronds' duet, 'I Say a Little Prayer For You.' Telperion is divebombed by moths. AAAAAAH! I am so afraid of bloody moths. And it must be worse if you're shiny. Also, is Telperion Josh Groban in his icons? Very nice-looking. Rumil posts pictures of himself and Lai. God, where to begin? First of all, in one of the pictures, Lai is naked, and I'm positive that he has tits. Secondly, make sure to check out the picture of Rumil looking 'butch.' It's about as butch as Beruthiel, okay? Three, Rumil seems to think he's awfully attractive, but if I was a hot young lady like Lai, I'd totally go for Silinde. Woof. Cute, blonde, and not as vain. Mmmm. Groin paints his feet with orange lipstick. We love Groin. This whole post--Gwindor's--and the comments with Aghan is pretty funny, so just go read it. Silinde--who is using that pink icon I like so much, woo, so sexy--and Del rush to catch up with Lai and the actors. Gil-galad sings to...ELANOR! YES! ELANOR! She's there! In the karaoke bar! Aww! Come back, Elanor! I'll fix you up with Silinde and we'll have fun, ok? Eol decides to sell weapons and instruments of torture and so forth. Cute. I don't feel very funny tonight, but them's the breaks. It IS 3 AM. Anyway, I hope to do this one more time before your new cub reporter, canadabear, takes over the noble reporter's mantle. I'll miss doing this more than I'll miss puppeting--mostly because you guys are so cute about responding and stuff. And I love you all. And I'm sorry I'm not funny tonight. *mwah* Please send a donation. --n.t. As you can see, it is not 3 AM now, because my stupid computer kicked me of the internet and I was not able to post this until, well, just now. So let me quickly recap the posts that have sprung up since I went to bed: Jigglypuff is still in a box. Poor thing. Adunahil and Seven decide to torture Six together. Awwwwwwwwww! Father-daughter bonding! Until next time, I'll be writing Feanor/silmaril-- Your faithful newsthingie Current Mood: up far too late (37 informants | Give us a donation)
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